The morning started off well with a banana and a granola bar, and some general pump-up music to get me going at 6 A.M. Friends and I then carpooled our way down to the start line of the race.
One of our visits was to the port-a-potty. Hey, you got to make sure all bodily functions are covered prior to the race. I never feel entirely comfortable in a port-a-potty. Then again, I'm not sure anyone should. I often fear that the lock will just get jammed and I'll be stuck in the port-a-potty for the rest of my life. I also must say that it's weird to see poop in a port-a-potty. I understand. You got to poop, and it's before a race, but I now have no choice but to look at it.
I tried to get in at least a little bit of stretching, but as usual, the corrals were starting to fill up, so I needed to find a spot in the pack. The anticipation for the start of the race is always fun. Every person is excited. It's the kind of environment that you'd like to see everywhere. Also, a DJ plays a bunch of music to keep the crowd going. If you're wondering, yes, I heard Survivor's “Eye of The Tiger” and AC/DC's “Thunderstruck” multiple times. A surprising addition near the beginning of the race was this song that I had not heard in a while:
The race begins. I started off with a friend of mine at a slower pace than I signed up at. About three minutes into it, with people starting to spread, I decided to head off and began running through the crowds. Even just two miles in, I was starting to feel it a bit. The stretching was not as good as I would have liked! Why did we hang out more at the port-a-potties than stretch?!
In order to prevent myself from stopping, I bring a water bottle along with me. This allows me to not have to stop at Refueling Stations, which means I can at least kind of avoid the chaos of people dashing over for water and Gatorade, but doesn't prevent me from being hit in the head by a flying cup. Luckily, no such circumstances occurred. I just had to dodge tons of cups on the ground as usual.
I don't wear an iPod during the race. In fact, I don't own an iPod, which is odd considering how much music I do listen to. I am certainly in the minority by not wearing an iPod to the point that a friend in our carpool considered me crazy for not doing so. But, hey, I guess I'm old school. The long distance runners of the mid-20th Century didn't have such amenities. They also may not have had the same dieting planning as we do for races. They also couldn't set things up so that their times could be tweeted during the race (yes, that was available). Hmm, perhaps long distance running back in the day was far more reasonable.
As I didn't wear an iPod, I had the opportunity to enjoy the sounds of the race including DJs and random musicians. It ranged anywhere from a couple guys rapping encouraging words to off-key singing of ballads (which I'm hoping was a joke) to, hey, is that LMFAO playing yet again?
From mile 3 to mile 8, things started to feel a lot better. I was picking up the pace and was creeping up towards the goal that I needed to break my personal record. Sick of drinking what had now become warm water, I pulled out an Apple Cinnamon granola bar and started eating it. By eating it, I mean just shoving crumbs into my mouth as it had been jammed into the pocket of my water bottle. Not only was my face covered in sweat, but now it had random crumbs to complement it.
The granola bar and water always would give me a boost, but I was starting to fade as were many of the other runners. It's always an odd feeling to watch a fellow runner be treated by paramedics on the side of the race or just watch someone vomiting. As I checked my watch, I accepted that I was slowing up and not likely going to reach my goal. I looked out for my own safety, and after finishing up all the water in my water bottle, I stopped off at the final two Refueling Stations to ensure I was well hydrated for the final stretch.
I crossed the finish line, which is not surprisingly always an exhilarating feeling. I took a cold bottle of water and chugged it in less than a minute. Then, comes the food, where I basically take anything that's handed to me just so I can taste something other than the nothingness of water. “This is an asiago cheese bagel,” said the guy in front of the box of bagels. I don't care. It's going in my mouth. “How about some calcium chocolate?” At this point, I don't care if the element in the chocolate is lead.
The post-race is fantastic. I end up running into friends, co-workers, people who I haven't seen in a while, and even people who have seen a show and complimented me on my comedy. Everyone is positive and feels a sense of accomplishment. Oh, hey, we also get one free cup of Michelob Ultra? Oh, hey, we also get Ohio's #1 Top 40 Cover Band, Swagg?! Needless to say, I felt like Lance Armstrong while grooving to “Tik Tok.”
The best sign of the race was one that said, “You have great stamina! Call me!!” The woman holding this sign looked way too excited. Other memorable moments included me seeing 10TV's Andrea Cambern cheering on racers, an attractive woman blow snot out of her nose while she kept running, and an ambulance nearly taking out a ton of runners in the intersection thus potentially creating another emergency other than the one they were trying to attend to.
The official results had me finishing at 1:56:34. It was well below my personal record of 1:51:52, which I was hoping to improve on. But, it's not all about the time. It's about the experience, the challenge, and caring about your health. We all should follow the words of the woman in this hilarious clip that I cannot embed. Now, it's time for me to spend a week eating junk food.
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