News Attack - Manchester United Indicted For Being Part Of A Self-Bounty Ring

Manchester United, one of the most prominent football clubs (soccer teams) in the English Premiere League, has been accused of running a Self-Bounty Program during the 2008, 2009, and 2010 seasons.

As part of the program, players were rewarded for taking dives, faking injuries, and incurring penalty kicks.

Michael Owen, a forward, recalls how some of the payouts went, "When it first started, it was $5,000 for a yellow card, $10,000 for a red card. I remember one game Wayne [Rooney] took a spill with a defender two feet away from him in the goal box. We got a penalty kick that put us ahead and we ended up winning the the game. Rooney has a beach home he goes to in the offseason now."

The Premiere League vows to look into the matter immediately and threatens the possibility of harsh penalties against Manchester.

When Man. U. Coach Sir Alex Ferguson was approached yesterday and asked for a comment, he stated, "I would love to tell you everything I know about the situation in great detail..." Before he could finish his statement, Ferguson clenched his chest and dropped to the floor. He was rushed to the hospital where he is reportedly in very good condition.