Turd Ferguson: Office Employee

Around a year ago, I went to a training session at work where they provided everyone in attendance with a name placard. The placard was white and two-sided. On one side, I wrote my name, “Sumukh.” On the other side, I wrote the name, “Turd Ferguson.” Over the course of the training session, I would randomly turn the placard at any given time, so at some points, I would be Sumukh while at other points, I would be Turd Ferguson. The instructor never acknowledged me doing these actions, so the joke went unnoticed and unappreciated.

With the Turd Ferguson name placard still in possession, I decided to put it in my cubicle. It now sits right under my computer monitor with great pride. The day after, I changed the desktop background on my computer for a brief period of time to Turd Ferguson for added effect.

Since then, I've had many co-workers comment on Turd Ferguson with some calling me Turd on occasion or wondering who Turd Ferguson is and then us reflecting on our favorite Saturday Night Live sketches.

Recently, a foreign-born co-worker of mine asked me who Turd Ferguson was. I first explained that it was just a joke, which led her to smile and nod. I then mentioned that it was from Saturday Night Live, which she was not familiar with. She then asked about Turd, and I said, “Turd means poop.” Her confused look showed that I had totally lost her. I finally concluded the conversation by saying, “I'm sorry. I'm just a silly man,” which she understood (remember, I'm the same man who put up a photo of The Rock seeing it as a source of motivation for our area).

I like to be a good employee, but it's obvious I still want to be relaxed and have a sense of humor about work. But, I must say, it reached a certain low point for me when I said the phrase, “Turd means poop” to another human being in an educational type of tone. There isn't a way for that to be said and feel legitimate and professional about yourself.

Nevertheless, the legend of Turd Ferguson lives on. The placard still sits on my desk. However, we often have other representatives from around the world or important individuals walk through our area who likely would wonder who this individual is that felt Turd Ferguson was the way to go in his life. If I wanted to follow the philosophy of Turd, I'd say, “That's their problem.” But, on such days, I'll likely have to put the placard into one of my drawers and hide my funny hat.