Everybody Was Karaoking

I went to my friend's birthday party last night at a bar that had karaoke. It was a bar clearly filled with regulars who loved their Saturday night karaoke. Everyone who participated was talented and showed a passion and enjoyment for karaoke including a guy who clearly lived for these five minutes out of his week as he belted and gyrated to Guns N' Roses's "Welcome to the Jungle." So, in the midst of people with great voices singing various rock and country hits, what did I do? I went up on stage and sang/spoke Carl Douglas's "Kung Fu Fighting." It was acceptable, and for one night, I knew what it felt to be that random dude who shows up at open mic comedy, does his five minutes of stage time, and then none of us in the comedy community ever see him again (which, in most cases, is a good thing). Over the course of the night, I generated a few rules that I feel should be implemented in karaoke nights, which I have the right to tell being such a master of karaoke.

1. Musical breaks need to be cut down in songs.

I don't understand why these breaks occur during karaoke songs. I understand you're sticking to the authenticity of the song, but we're here for the singing, not for (at best) someone prancing around to a synthesized version of the real musical break.

2. No one should pick a song over 5 minutes.

Respect the show. Last night, it seemed like every person was doing something over 5 minutes. There are people waiting. If you do less than 5 minutes, it gives them a chance to get up there, plus, hey, you can end up singing more songs under 5 minutes later in the show! This also works hand-in-hand with the cutting of musical break, which could single-handedly change every karaoke audience member's opinion of "Paradise by the Dashboard Light."

3. Follow the tone of the show.

I violated this rule last night, but like I said, I feel like it was acceptable being the random dude that showed up for one night, and no one in the crowd appeared to dislike me for it. The tone really was a lot of country and rock music, so for me to go up and do a disco hit was both odd/hilarious (that makes sense because it was me). Main point: I probably should have sang "The Gambler" -- at least they would have been happier with my sing/speak on that one.

4. If you want to dance, dance. It's awesome.

One of the best parts of this night was the crowd's willingness to take to the small dance floor in front of the stage. The actual dancing ability on that floor was terrible, but that's what made it great. Nobody cared about how they were judged. They were just having fun dancing to "Blue Suede Shoes" and that's the kind of magic that happen with a nice karaoke night.

So, those are the rules in my mind. There are probably more among the true karaoke followers. Later in the night, I was requested to sing Genesis's "Invisible Touch," which I gladly did and which may have further pushed Phil Collins into retirement. The night was stolen by the birthday boy himself, my friend Ryan, whose dancing and rendition of Eddy Grant's "Electric Avenue" was phenomenal. It sounded like The Cookie Monster doing his best to sing like Eddy Grant. You would think that was an insult. It is not. The performance was just plain brilliant.