I Can Make You A (Local) Celebrity Overnight

I was back up in Cleveland, my hometown for the first 17 years of my life, for a couple days this past weekend visiting some family. I moved to Columbus when I was 17 to attend The Ohio State University and have lived here ever since (9 years total now). I love Columbus bunches. It's a cool town (I know that sounds lame, but I think you Columbus lovers will get it, so I'm ok with it) with lots to do and see and plethora of great areas to live in and visit. However, I will always love Cleveland. I don't think that's a unique statement among Cleveland-born transplants. There's lots of little things that I miss, and they really get highlighted every time I visit. Because of that, this could be an reoccurring entry, but for now I'd like to centralize the focus. One thing I realized I missed about Cleveland during my most recent visit is -- Local Celebrities.

Now, while I've been in Columbus for 9 years, I'm not immersed in "Columbus culture" as much as someone who lived here their whole (or most of) their life. So, feel free to share your C-bus memories in the comment section, but for me, it seems like that local celebrity stable Cleveland has, Columbus is lacking. And keep in mind, I don't think you can count most Ohio State athletes. When I say "local," I don't mean celebrities from your locale. I literally mean someone who would have little to no cache outside of your surrounding city limits but carries mad weight around town. Archie Griffin, Eddie George. Great celebrities FROM Columbus, but are quite recognizable outside the outerbelt.

I'm talking about people like, the guy that got me thinking about this post this weekend, Dick Goddard. Dick Goddard is 227 years old, and has worked as a Cleveland weatherman for almost all of those years. Really? No, not really, but it feels that way. I was watching the local news with my dad this weekend and said, "Man, he's been doing the weather since I was a kid." My dad replied, "I think he was doing the weather when I was a kid." Everyone knows him. He loves animals and has looked the same since 1987. He's part Cleveland-Bob-Barker, part Cleveland-Dick-Clark. Just hearing Wollybear Festival gives me a little Cleveland-boner. I just don't know if C-bus has that kind of hard on for the Jym Ganahl's. Maybe I'm wrong.

And he's not the only news person. Wilma Smith. She does the news, and has been for quite some time, but she made news in '94 when she went from ABC to FOX. Oh Shit, son! Seriously though, I actually remember my elementary school teacher at the time talking to our class about this. It was big shit. It was Wilma fucking Smith and she was moving to FOX! It was so big, I think LeBron's thing should have been called "The Decision 2" to give Wilma her deserved cred.

I'd still hit it.

Or what about Carl Monday. Been douche-ing it up for years. Remember this going viral at all?

Carl Monday. Cleveland golden boy. The jerker. Well, just check the sweatshirt. Sorry 614. (Kidding)

Carl Monday Vs Library Pervert Part 2 - Watch more Funny Videos

News people could fill up this whole blog. But there's others. Big Chuck and Little John (small Italian guy, not "to the window, to the wall"). Or Big Chuck and Houlihan for my pop's generation. They would show old movies and run a studio show with sketches during the breaks. The Norton's Furniture guy. Kind of a new one. Even our fans. Big Dawg. The Drum Guy from Tribe games. You can YouTube those all if you wish. But I think it was really cemented in the "We Are LeBron" video released in the Decision-era. Now it got a lot of bagging for being lame and desperate. I couldn't agree more. But as a Clevelander, I watched it about 5 times just to see all the local celebs. It was crazy. It's like my childhood was singing me a song. I wish they'd just gotten together to do something non-LeBron related so it wouldn't have that baggage. Because fuck that guy. For me, and I think all Clevelanders, it was less about a plea to LeBron and more about, "Holy shit, is that Bill Martin AND Otto Orf!"

P.S. Big Dawg needs to get fat again.