After finding evidence (a.k.a. Internet stalking), I can confirm that I sat in the same row on my flight to Los Angeles with Goo Goo Dolls frontman John Rzeznik. Your initial reaction to this statement was probably one of these responses:
1. “Wow. Did you talk to him?”
2. “That’s cool.”
3. “Who cares?”
To answer all three of your potential responses, “No,” “Yeah, I guess,” and “I’m not sure that I do.” Here’s how my interaction with John (the former Johnny…from evidence gathered, he apparently is now more formal with the preferred use of John) went.
It was a morning flight, and I was in and out of random naps or reading Nick Hornby’s Fever Pitch. By the end of the flight, with a package of cookies (they were more like a British biscuit) and a cup of tomato juice (yeah, I’m that prick on the flight) in my stomach, my eyes met with the man sitting across the row. I was about to look away when I realized that the gentleman looked familiar to me. I stared further, he kind of acknowledged my stare, and then I realized I knew who he was or at least I thought I knew he was. He was the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls. But, I wasn’t entirely sure he was the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls as I had not seen this guy on television in years. Knowing myself, I knew that there was one of three possibilities as to who this guy was:
1. Just some dude and I confused him for the Goo Goo Dolls lead singer
2. The Goo Goo Dolls lead singer
3. The Ultimate Warrior without his make-up on (highly possible with my strong interest in classic pro wrestling and the nature of this guy’s face)
The other problem with the situation was that I could not remember the name of the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls. I knew it was Johnny and there was a Rz and another z in there but I guessed it as Johnny Rzyznski – some kind of combination of John Rzeznik and former tennis pro Greg Rusedski.
So, I had one of two options: not say a word or go up to Mr. Rzeznik and say, “Are you the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls?” The sad thing is that I’m sure he’s heard this question randomly many times yet the sadder fact is the person asking this question is not even acknowledging how moronic of a question this is. You probably shouldn’t ask a person if they are in fact a particular person especially when you can’t remember their actual name. So, I chose to say nothing.
But, in hindsight, I’m not sure what the point of thinking about this potential conversation was. Of the three reactions that I listed after the first paragraph, I usually fall in the categories of #2 or #3 when it comes to celebrities. I still see them as people, and unless it was someone that was truly a personal idol to me or had some giant impact on the world, I’m not sure what good it is in actually talking to them. The strongest impact that the Goo Goo Dolls have had on my life has been that “Iris” and “Slide” have been stuck in my head since I saw this guy yesterday. So, at best, Mr. Rzeznik would have acknowledged that he was, in fact, the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls and I would have had to come up with something on the spot anywhere from “You’ve produced fine music. Thank you.” to “I made out with a girl to ‘Closing Time’…shit, that wasn’t you guys.”
In the end, I guess I take nothing from celebrity sightings. I think they’re cool, but I don’t know what else to really do unless I actually get introduced to the person and we have a real conversation. In the end, with Mr. Rzeznik, I think it worked out for the best. From his stare back to me, it seemed apparent to me that he didn’t want me to know who he was, which of course completely contradicts his message in his most popular song to date. Let us judge him as a fraud now.
It would be ridiculous to read too much into this, and I understand that, but the overall message here is, "Johnny Rzeznik is on an airplane. Who gives a fuck." This could lead to an amazing concept-tabloid, one that functions as an anti-celeb rag. Instead of photographing Tyra Banks out for a night on the town in an outrageous outfit, you could instead photograph that same place but the next day, and headline it, "Tyra Banks was here last night, and so what: Now there's a little kid here with wearing a soiled jumper feeding french fries to a squirrel." In many ways, this would actually be a more entertaining magazine...
ReplyDeleteSo when you left your seat to get to the bathroom, how did you answer the Fight Club etiquette question of which part to wave past Rzeznik's face, "the ass or the crotch?"
ReplyDeleteAlso, good job not talking to a celebrity knowing nothing other than that they are a celebrity. The conversation goes something like, "Hey, you're a celebrity and you do good work!" followed by awkward silence that they're supposed to fill because they're a celebrity and always have something entertaining or congenial to say.
Also, you should've pursued the line that he actually was the Ultimate Warrior.
You should have sung the lyrics to their song "name" in a conversational tone and style to him disguised in a regular conversation. Or you should have acted you were his biggest gay fan and tell him how cute, talented, etc. he is. I mean to the point that he would call the stewardess to intervene and he would never forget you (you may have even ended up on TMZ). Or you could have told him one his songs was the inspiration for your art, career choice, deciding to come out of the closet, go straight, eat meat, go veg, commit acts of arson, whatever...and then proceed to talk to him about it for the duration of your flight all the while making up new ridiculous stories. Lots of stuff to do.
ReplyDeleteI saw a hollywood celebrity once (in NY) and I was staring at her out of curiosity and speculation then I noticed that her expression was "OH God! here we go. I have to deal with some gushing fan/creep" as I realized this I decided I did not want to give her the attention so soon as I was within 3 feet of her, I said "excuse me but do you know the way to?" The look of surprise on her face was awesome and she was sort of flustered but tried to give me directions. It felt good to do that, I mean why give her what she initially sought (fame) and now disdains (for no reason). Btw: she is now sort of washed up.