Mr. Hero: A Cleveland Legend

When I was up in Cleveland over Memorial Day weekend, my brother and I visited our local Mr. Hero. Cleveland has its bizarre heroes from Bernie Kosar to Michael Stanley, so it's not a surprise that its true hero for fast food is a place called Mr. Hero.

If you grew up in Cleveland, you grew up on Mr. Hero. You may not have ever eaten Mr. Hero, but you did interact with it. Just as Cleveland has its bizarre heroes, it has its odd, catchy commercials like any other city. Sure, there was Garfield 1-2323, Discount Drug Mart saves you the run-around or later the Norton Furniture guy. But, for me, somehow Mr. Hero's “When Your Taste Takes Over” jingle will be stuck in my head for the rest of my life.

Mr. Hero is known for its two major sandwiches: the Romanburger and the Hot Buttered Cheesesteak. Please be aware that it is not merely a cheesesteak, but rather a Hot Buttered Cheesesteak, and it's full name should be acknowledged. The restaurant's side of waffle fries is also a classic.

Of course, Mr. Hero can't survive purely off its trademark items. I usually found myself getting the Grilled Chicken Philly, another classic but perhaps not frequently purchased item by the general public. Mr. Hero also provided cheaper sandwich items such as a Fish Round, Chicken Round, and Italian Round, which now are put under the label of “Taste Buddies.” It had its weird choices that probably no one purchased such as spaghetti and a dessert of New York Cheesecake. For something that is such a Cleveland institution, they really pushed out items created in other cities.

When my brother and I went there last weekend, we stuck to our classics. It was a very nostalgic experience considering I hadn't stepped foot in a Mr. Hero in years. My brother ordered the Romanburger and I got the Grilled Chicken Philly. Even if over the years the price changed and the size likely decreased, the sandwich is still great. The combination of chicken, green peppers, mushroom, onions, and cheese is something only that is unique and specific to Mr. Hero. Now that I got a reminder of the taste, my pursuit is to desperately attempt to recreate this in my home kitchen with a Grilled Chicken Philly Night.

To add to the nostalgia and the feel of Cleveland, Mr. Hero has stuck to its style for as long as I've been alive. While my hometown Mr. Hero may have gone through a bit of store re-modeling in the 1990s, nothing has really changed. It still has the visual element that it always and I have every expectation that each Mr. Hero in the Cleveland area is the same way. It is something that is specific to Cleveland. Cleveland is a city of loyalty, and it's almost as if Mr. Hero considers that it should remain loyal to the way that it has always been. Why change? In fact, Mr. Hero's current catchphrase according to the bag of food that I got is, “Things That Make You Go Mmm...” All right, it's always nice to do a play on a phrase from 1991 by a now fairly irrelevant musical group.

Mr. Hero drew some level of national prominence when it was revealed that “The Real World” cast member Mike Mizanin used to work there. Mizanin is now better known as “The Miz” in the WWE, and this Plain Dealer article makes enough Mr.Hero references to make every Clevelander excited. My local Mr. Hero was owned for a brief period of time by the mother of “The Miz,” and I managed to venture in when he was appearing on “The Real World.” She had posted a bunch of pictures of him on the wall and acknowledged him as her hero. Once again, Cleveland had found another hero.

While I mentioned that Mr. Hero seemed to be no different than when I was a child, it's not as if it hasn't switched gears and evolved with society. Mr. Hero is on Twitter and Facebook and their website reveals many changes. Unlike when I was kid, Mr. Hero now has a spokesperson named Nicole, who could be best described as “Cleveland hot.” I'm not complaining. This is making Mr. Hero even better for the young man who likes a good sandwich. You can also check out their new TV ads, which clearly pale in comparison to “When Your Taste Takes Over.” While I appreciate how freshly prepared my sandwich is, I'm way more concerned with my taste and its ability to take over like Michael Jordan in crunch time. (Oops, maybe I shouldn't have made a Michael Jordan reference in a Cleveland loving post like this one).

All in all, Mr. Hero holds a special spot in any Clevelander's heart. If you ever visit Cleveland, you've got to grab its freshness. And now, to close on something else classic that represents a part of Cleveland as well:

Comedifans: On Vacation

As you may have noticed, there was no "Comedifans" episode released this week in observation of the Memorial Day holiday, which was a busy one for the both of us. But, you can look forward to a new episode next Tuesday, and blog posts over the course of the week on a bunch of different topics!

Comedifans Post-Game - Episode 032

During this week's episode, my phone went off. It vibrated four times. Concerned that it may be some type of emergency, I checked my phone. Of course, this opened the door for Golak to start questioning me, and for me to inevitably get embarrassed and uncomfortable as I don't like to discuss my private life unless it's under my own terms. When I saw who the texts were from, I was not concerned that it was an emergency. I later checked the texts. Three were from a girl. We will never speak of those texts again.

The other text was from my buddy, John. Here was the exact text message: "Andy Van Slyke's son Scott, of the LAD, just hit his first MLB HR."

I have no idea why John texted me about this fact. I am not an Andy Van Slyke fan. He is not an Andy Van Slyke fan. Andy Van Slyke played for the Pirates. Neither of us are Pirates fans. John did come with us to Boston (he was responsible for the great Bob Stoops story from Comedifans Episode 031). Did we talk about Andy Van Slyke in Boston? If so, why? There were a lot of questions, and not many answers as I chose not to respond back to John's text.

In other news, I did play in today's kickball game with my injured ankle. I was 1-for-4 , but I must say that all my 4 kicks were quite solid, though unfortunately hit in spots where the opponent's talented outfielders could catch them.  I also played first base well enough. We lost the game, 9-0, ending our season. So, if I wake up tomorrow with further bruises on my ankle, we all know that this was all worth it.

Comedifans - Episode 032

Sumukh and Golak are joined by the very funny Michael Meyers. The three talk about soccer, eating meat, Indian people, sport injuries, NHL playoffs, the Heat, pep rallies, Sumukh's phone, NBA playoffs, and drug dealers.

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Capitol Words

I got directed to something kind of cool via a Facebook ad in my right margin. I know, I know. That little chunk of pixels to the right of my feed finally paid off, what are the odds? Usually just a barrage of TV show and t-shirt ads, today I saw the heading "baby, abortion, fetus." What was this? A sample set list of a horrible first time comic at Scarlet and Grey Cafe? A morose "which of these does not belong" game? Nope. It was the heading for an advert for the site capitolwords.org. Capitol Words is a site that lists the top words or phrases used by individual politicians or the collective of the politicians in a state.

"Baby, abortion, fetus?" The top words of Rick J. Santorum. Not his top 3 though. His top 3 are actually "partial-birth, abortion, and procedure." Just barely cracking the top 20--"inserting". His 20th favorite word--usually the cause of words 1 and 2. In the top 10--"wade." I'm guessing the compatriot of "roe v." But maybe he's a Heat fan. I knew there was a reason I hated this motherfucker.

You can also view by state as opposed to a particular politician. What about my great state of Ohio? Well, the first city mentioned in the word list, at #2, is Cleveland. It's also mentioned in 3 of the top 5 two-word phrases. Yay, go Cleveland! My hometown, fresh on the lips of Ohio's politicians. Must be because it is such a good time, top spot city. However, this could be because politicians know Cleveland is a good place to get some free money and cheap power. The 20th most popular five-word phrase? "We recognize the tremendous hard." Also, a possible cause of Santorum's 1 and 2.

Besides city names and the similar, Ohio has cool, political words you'd expect a great swing state with a few booming metropolises to have: "amendment, medicare, nuclear, republican, nafta." Now, while no New York or California, you can see the difference in word selection from a relatively dense and flourishing state like Ohio and a "fighting off the sweet release of suicide everyday" state like North Dakota. A sample of their top 20: "forks, folks, wheat, somebody, anybody, ought." If that sample isn't just dripping with...well nothing. I don't think I could ever live in a state where the 8th most used word by politicians is "wheat." But maybe I could. In May 2012, that word was used 83 times by Democrats and only 2 times by Republicans country-wide, and since 1997, the word has been used by Democrats more overall. They must be talking about Whole Foods. Fucking hippies.

Anyways, I found this site to be pretty interesting and fun to nerdily waste time on for a little bit. There is even a search function. I used it to find out that, of all the states, "Justin" is the most popular in Ohio. Thanks Capitol Words, but I could have told you that.

Sanjay A. Review: Trina's Starlite Lounge

Sanjay A. is back! Check out his Yelp review of Trina's Starlite Lounge in Somerville, MA! Also, feel free to let us know if there is any spot in Columbus or anywhere else that you would like Sanjay A. to review!

The Twists and Turns of an Ankle and the Internet

We've mentioned both on the “Comedifans” podcast and in a previous blog post, “Try to Catch Me Ridin' Dirty”, that I've been called a dirty player when playing sports. This is still a debate, but I certainly do give 100% effort whenever I'm playing any sport.

Golak and I are currently in a kickball league. Kickball has a lot of the fundamentals of baseball, and I never actually played baseball when growing up. So, for example, while I play center field, I know how to catch the kickball. But, if the ball gets hit over the head of the left fielder, I have no idea what exactly I should do at that point and where to run to in order to help him out. So, while I understand the rules of the game, the strategy involved in it can be a problem for me.

This issue goes for base running as well. In my brain, all I think about is running as fast as I can and beating out any throw that could get me out. This works fine with first base, but with any other base, I have consistently been running past the base because I cannot slide or slow down properly.

This problem came to haunt me on Wednesday night, when I overran second base, went to turn back, and twisted my ankle. At the time, it was not fun for me. However, for everyone else, it had to be hilarious. First, you see a guy overrun a base. Then, you see him twist his ankle. Then, you see him shout profanity. Then, you see him just fall to the ground. Then, you see the girl on second base throw the kickball at his lifeless body. I was able to get up and walk off the field, and I played the remainder of the game still hobbling from the ankle twist.

Strangely enough, in all my years of playing sports or doing any type of activities, I have never injured myself. I was hoping to keep this streak going until the age of 30, but I suppose this was bound to happen. With the number of half marathons that I've done and my reckless nature in any sport, something was going to go wrong.

Since I had no idea of how to really deal with an ankle injury, I of course went to the Internet to find answers on how to deal with it. Sometimes, I am in awe of the Internet, and have no sense of what we did before it. If I suffered this injury in 1992 (which is probably when I should have suffered any kickball-related injury. Why am I a grown adult playing kickball?), what would I have done? Call up a friend who had an ankle injury before? Directly go to the emergency room?

That last question actually led into one of my interesting finds from the Internet, which was this article revealing that too many people go to emergency rooms for minor ankle injuries. I knew in this situation that there was no need to go to the emergency room. I could walk on the ankle, and I could endure the pain. My definition of “emergency” is pretty intense. I would need violent amounts of blood for me to actually take the steps to go to the emergency room, which makes sense considering I'm a “dirty player” who overruns bases.

We all know that the Internet can be insane, too. WebMD ends up giving you diseases you never thought were possible. In this case, WebMD suggested crutches or a walker and to not walk on the ankle for 24-48 hours. What? I'm not going to take a day off work for a non-severe ankle injury. What single man in his 20s has a walker just sitting around for his use when he gets an ankle injury?

I followed the instructions that seemed reasonable. I laid down in bed and iced my knee. I'm also not a person that has a lot of aspirin around. I don't really get headaches or feel that I need pain relievers for any circumstances. So, I had to take a look through my medicine cabinets and found a bottle of Aleve with an expiration date of January 2012. This discovery led into reading this article on drug expiration dates. Feeling that it was okay, I used the expired Aleve and have yet to die from the effects of the ankle injury.

I wondered if it was possible that it could be a severe ankle injury, and I just didn't know it. I learned more about high ankle sprains. In an attempt to see what a high ankle sprain looked like, I went to the Google Images section. It contained some photos of ankles, but also many photos of New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski. It didn't make much sense, and then I realized that a high ankle sprain was responsible for his limited play in this past year's Super Bowl. There was even this nice Rob Gronkowski photo.

As time has passed, the ankle seems to be healing fine. It is swollen and bruised, and I perhaps will not be able to play in the next kickball game, but at least thanks to the Internet, I didn't spend too much time being concerned or paranoid despite the journey that the World Wide Web took me on.

I hope to be injury-free again for another two-plus decades of my life. However, I will always have a fear my next injury will be like this one...

Icing

Last week I posted about a sketch I was in as part of Matt Horn's new YouTube channel, Mostly Rotten. I can't recommend this channel enough if you're looking for funny video sketches. Before the Super Heroes sketch, I got a cameo role in an earlier sketch where I play "Guy At Party 2." Watch me improv about ICQ!

My Favorite Hip Hop Feature Performances

It used to be that a feature spot on a song had a few different connotations for an MC. Many times it was a throwaway spot to spice up a pop or R&B song. Nobodys and neverwouldbes would hit a track for 16 bars and then fade back into relative obscurity. It was like its own genre of one-hit wonderdom. Or, if an established rapper took a feature spot on a song, it would be a rare, usually successful, foray for a single or, many times, a soundtrack song or the like.

Anymore, it seems to be its own end goal. You have your Ludacris's and your Pitbull's making it to a place of individual success only to take that fame and recognition and seemingly backslide into a career of hip hop freelancing. Maybe if you feature you get to fill out a 1099 for your appearance and you save money in the long run. (Boom! Tax joke). Either way, I find it silly and backwards, and I, like the ornery old man I seem to be quickly becoming, wish it was like it was back in my day. Below our 3 of my favorite feature performances of all time (back when they used to do it the right way!).

Paula Abdul - Opposites Attract (Featuring MC Skat Kat)

The 90's was a sweet time to be animated. Sure you could do cartoons, but with the Roger Rabits and Space Jam crews of the world mixing it up with real celebrities, there was no boundary to what you could do with your animated self. MC Skat Kat, in the "Opposites Attract" video was actually voiced by two MCs--The Wild Pair, Bruce DeShazer and Marv Gunn. Besides the hot fire spit by The Wild Pair, the video itself actually had some talent behind it too. The video was directed by Michael Patterson who did the animation work on A-Ha's "Take On Me" video. (You can see that song hilariously used in a SAGAttack video.) Patterson apparently believed that all women in the 90's wanted to hook-up with cartoons--bestiality optional. MC Skat Kat went on to get his own crew, The Stray Mob, and an album, The Adventures of MC Skat Kat and the Stray Mob. For that album he was voiced by Derrick "Delite" Stevens. Their single, Skat Strut (with Abdul now in the feature role), got solid video play on MTV, but the record and single ultimately flopped.


Salt-N-Peppa - Shoop (Featuring Otwane Roberts, or "Big Twan Love-Her")

Salt and Peppa were in need of "shooping." They recruited Otwane Roberts to fill that position. He was apparently the "cutest brotha in the room," so why not? Otwane never went on to record any other songs. But, for me, the idea of sexing someone to the point of them being mentally disabled--with the line, "12 inches to a yard, have ya soundin' like a retard"--is a lyric that will go down in hip hop history. However, with math like that, you have to wonder who is really leaving the sex session with a diminished mental capacity.

Aaliyah - Back In One Piece (Featuring DMX)

Here's my favorite example of a quality artist venturing into the feature game without becoming a full time 1099 MC. And also, DMX's allusions to dogs make this a better, fully live action "Opposites Attract" if you ask me. A DMX/MC Skat Kat duet in the future? One can only hope. The duo's name, Kats and Dogs. The album title, It's Raining. You're welcome music.

Comedifans Post-Game - Episode 031

Initially, I wanted Golak to write The Comedifans Post-Game for this week. He did take up 72 of the personal record 92-minute podcast of the show talking. For me, it was hilarious because I'm his friend. I have no idea how the random listener felt about it. I'm sure Golak feels you loved every second of the 72 minutes. I'm not so sure. You easily could have wondered what was up when he proclaimed that he missed me, acknowledged he made a strange comment about ranking guys, and ranted crazily about free kicks, then ranted crazily about “pink slime” (these are the moments where I wondered what was up). But, nevertheless, it was a fun podcast and new approach for us to try to do the show individually while on the road.

Given that, I figured I would expand a little bit on my time “on the road” particularly focusing in a little further on my experience at Fenway Park. I will take a page out of the Golak 72-Minute Playbook (I'm sorry, I'm really pouring it on, but seriously, I couldn't believe he actually spoke for 72 minutes when he was supposed to do 20) and rant a bit about my issues with Fenway.

As I mentioned on the podcast, I took issue with the feel of Fenway. We sat in the bleachers for both games, and the crowd's interest in the actual baseball game was anywhere from total focus on something that is not baseball to kind of caring about baseball when the Red Sox scored runs. As someone who considers himself a purist in a sense with baseball, I don't take my eye off of what is most important, which is the game. Sure, I might zone out for a second or strike up a conversation with a friend that I am with, but I'm still there for baseball. Today, I listened to a B.S. Report podcast episode from last week In it, JackO mentions that Fenway Park is now just a “fancy, trendy bar.” I felt that way. As I mentioned on the podcast, for some reason, there was always a beach ball popping around during Friday's game. Then, the crowd would boo when a fan or a security guard would take the beach ball away. So, let me understand this right, you boo not being able to play with a beach ball and Josh Beckett in Boston? Okay, that makes sense.

They both then discuss “Sweet Caroline,” which is something that I cannot stand. First of all, I'll admit that I don't really like the song much to begin with, but really don't like it since it's part of the Red Sox fans' enjoyment. I really disliked it in that movie, Fever Pitch. That movie sucked. I suppose if it was about being a tortured Cleveland Indians fan, then I'd like it more. Actually, I'm not sure that I would. Thank God for Major League. When “Sweet Caroline” played on both nights, I didn't sing along at all. I'm an Indians fan. There is absolutely no reason that I should be involved in it. I sat there and watched these people sing along to it. There are a number of YouTube videos of people singing “Sweet Caroline” at Fenway Park. I would post a link, but I don't even want to do that on this website. That's how much I can't stand it.

In that way, I much rather prefer what have become the norms of all baseball parks between games. Sure, I don't mind seeing Ketchup, Mustard, and Relish race each other. Sure, I don't mind watching the JumboTron to see someone in the crowd answering a trivia question to win a prize. Sure, I don't mind watching a video of which ball a cap is under. This is fun stuff.

When it comes to songs, the other thing I noticed is that Fenway Park does not do “God Bless America” during the 7^th Inning Stretch. I thought this was the norm now. Where are we at with “God Bless America” and the 7^th Inning Stretch? Are we past our patriotism and our memories of 9/11? Is this only a New York thing? I feel like when I was in Camden Yards last year for a White Sox-Orioles game that the song played. I guess time has passed enough for Boston to just dislike New York again.

I can't knock Fenway Park at all for its history. There are a lot of greats that played in that park: Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, Oil Can Boyd. The list goes on and on. The Green Monster is certainly a sight to take in as a baseball fan. So, when it all comes down to it, if you're a baseball fan, you got to see a game there.

But, to be honest, you're always going to truly love your home park, and Jacobs Field (again, not Progressive Field. I'm being purist.) is still on top for me. Also, this is way better than “Sweet Caroline.”