Comedifans Post-Game - Episode 051

On Episode 51 of "Comedifans," I mentioned that I had sent an e-mail to Terry Pluto about the decision making of the Cleveland Indians this off-season. Below is that e-mail from December 12 (prior to our signing of Nick Swisher for 4 years, $56 million) in its entirety and my perspective on the Indians potentially being able to benefit from signing players with a history of performance-enhancing drug usage:

Dear Terry,

The Blue Jays signed Melky Cabrera to a 2-year, $16 million deal.
Cabrera hit .346 with 11 HR and 60 RBI before his suspension for PEDs
and subsequently never returning to the field for the Giants. On the
flip side, the Indians signed Mark Reynolds to a 1-year, $6 million
deal. Reynolds played 135 games, hitting .221 with 23 HR and 69 RBI.
Now, I know that we're dealing with two different positions with these
players, but I don't understand why the Indians didn't make a stronger
push for Cabrera given what they did end up signing, traded for, or
are currently pursuing with their limited free agent money.

Even if Cabrera is off the PEDs (hopefully for his sake), since 2006,
he's never hit lower than .249 whereas Reynolds's highest batting
average was his rookie season at .279. With the front office
inevitably knowing they were going to deal Choo, why not plug that
potential hole with Cabrera? Even if Cabrera has an off year due to
being off PEDs or the pressure involved with that layoff, he's never
dipped to Reynolds's level batting-wise, and with a team that would be
better suited to get contact hitters, he would fit right in.

This brings to me a bigger philosophical issue. Why don't the Indians
just go after players in free agency with past PED issues in their
offseasons? Take a look at Cabrera as an example. He's coming off a
great year and was the All-Star MVP. That can all be attributed to his
positive PED test results. So, teams will be able to get him at a
cheaper rate than they would have this offseason (as Toronto did).
Just as Toronto did (and the Indians could have done), you give
Cabrera a one or two-year deal. Now, for Cabrera, he has to prove that
he can play to the potential that he did last year without PEDs and
he'll try to work hard to get the big payday with another team after
the one or two-year deal is done. Even if he doesn't pan out to the
level he played with for the Giants, I expect the Blue Jays will still
get market value out of him (let's say that Cabrera does a general
average of all his years in the majors and hits .270, has 10 HR and 70
RBI. In today's market, that's worth $8 million). Let's say that
Cabrera chooses to stick with PEDs, and repeats the type of season he
had with the Giants, but then fails another test and now has a
100-game suspension. Now this is an assumption, but I would presume
that the Indians organization would not have to pay Cabrera during the
100 games that he's suspended (fulfills Dolan "fiscal
responsibility"!). To me, the risk with a PED guy like Cabrera can
only net the market expectation if not lead to a higher value out of
him, and even if he does get hit with a second punishment, the team is
not hurt financially. I'd rather watch a guy hit .300 for a certain
amount of time then get a 100-game suspension than to watch a guy
hitting for the fences and bat .220 over that same period of time.

Some may say that this is not an ethical approach to pursue players
with previous PED issues, but some may also say it is not an ethical
approach for Mark Shapiro to tell fans that if we want winning, we
shouldn't come to the stadium.

I just feel that a Cabrera signing would have been far better for the
Indians than going after players like Reynolds. Our offense needs help
and we have our ownership limits financially. But I feel that we can
get that by grabbing contact hitters that might be available to
balance our lineup and actually have rallies with base hits rather
than guys with low averages who may hit hard but mostly produce
strikeouts (both Reynolds and the recent acquisition of Drew Stubbs).

I like our approach to netting the best pitching prospects that we can
because pitching is what wins championships, especially for a small
market team that needs to sell its talent now. But, I just don't
understand where we're going in regards to our line-up and its future
philosophically.

Sincerely,

Sumukh Torgalkar

Comedifans - Episode 051

Sumukh and Golak, The Original Recipe Crew, are off hiatus! The duo comes back strong and talks Browns, Indians, MLB free agency, Sumukh's new "Moneyball," Basketball, and short lived NBA big men.

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Liberalbilly

Check out my character from Surly Girl's annual Halloween show, Liberalbilly, the liberal from a small town.

Comedifans - Episode 050

Episode 50! Sumukh and Golak sit down "Original Recipe" style and talk penises (micro and macro), Buckeyes, Browns, doping, marathons, cycling, Lance Armstrong, sponsorship, and LeBron (kind of).

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Franklin County, Get Your Absentee Ballot!

Drive By

Wedding Songs

Golak's Sketch Idea 2 - Film & Art Festival Cut

We're trying to expand our fanbase, so we've decided to re-edit some of our older material so that we can submit it to Art and Film Festivals. We started with "Golak's Sketch Idea 2." Check out the original, and then our Festival cut below.

Took Trailer

How To Tie a Tie for Dudes In Their Late 20s Who Don't Know How to Tie Ties

Sumukh just started a new instructional video series called "How To Tie a Tie for Dudes In Their Late 20s Who Don't Know How to Tie Ties."

Check it out!

Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak - Preview Day 5

For context to the final sketch of this week's preview, reference the following two clips.






Remember to check out Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak at the Short North Stage on Saturday, October 13th at 9PM and 11PM.

Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak - Preview Day 4

Remember to check out Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak at the Short North Stage on Saturday, October 13th at 9PM and 11PM.

Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak - Preview Day 3

ENRIQUE!



Remember to check out Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak at the Short North Stage on Saturday, October 13th at 9PM and 11PM.

Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak - Preview Day 2

This next sketch is Sumukh doing his beloved character, Lenny Farmar.



Remember to check out Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak at the Short North Stage on Saturday, October 13th at 9PM and 11PM.

Comedifans - Episode 049

Sumukh and Golak record "Original Recipe" style fresh off checking out the Crew game versus KC. The boys talk Crew, soccer, murder, sports, Indians, managers, PEDs, Buckeyes, Browns, and the LIVE Sumukh and Golak Two Man Show at the Short North Stage on Saturday, October 13th at 9PM and 11PM.

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Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak - Preview Day 1

Hey SAGAers! If you weren't already aware, Sumukh and I are putting on another Two Man Comedy show. If you weren't aware of that, you may be confused by use of the term "another." Yes, me and Sumukh put on a live show back in March of 2011. It was a fun time for us and all in attendance. Because of that, we've decided to do it again!

Saturday, October 13th. Two Shows, 9PM and 11PM at The Short North Stage (inside the Garden Theater) on High. Only $10 at the door. RSVP on Facebook HERE.


The first video is our opening from the previous show.

Comedifans - Episode 048

Sumukh and Golak are joined by the mega funny Travis Irvine.  The trio talks Crew, soccer, Halloween costumes, Rodney Dangerfield, impressions, karaoke, Sean Paul, Shaggy, Browns football, Buckeyes football, and Sumukh and Golak's new live show.

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Sumukh and Golak's Two Man Show: Sumukh Vs. Golak

Long-time stand-up comics, and longer-time friends, Sumukh Torgalkar and Justin Golak attack your funny bone with a smattering of live sketches, video sketches, and other random hilarity with two shows on October 13, at 9 and 11 pm.

2 Shows, 9 pm and 11 pm, Tickets $8 in advance via http://www.shortnorthstage.org/, or $10 at the door.

Dreams From My Real Father Or Nightmares For My Real DVD Player

I'm not a very political person, but I'm a very lucky person, readers. I'm one of a million people in Ohio who received a free DVD of Dreams from My Real Father! If you're not familiar with this film (I sure wasn't until I got it in the mail), it alleges that President Barack Obama's actual father is a man named Frank Marshall Davis, who passed down a Marxist agenda to President Obama that will eventually destroy America.

As a concerned citizen, I obviously took the most normal approach to this situation: I made a drinking game for the movie without having even watched it yet! Here are some rules:

“Marxist” : 1 drink

Communist flag: 1 drink

Communist flag fades into President Obama's face: 3 drinks

“Red”: 1 drink

“America”: 1 drink

American flag: 1 drink

White House: 1 drink

Photo with Obama's mother in it: 2 drinks

"Birth certificate": 2 drinks

Birth certificate shown on screen: 4 drinks

Subtle racist remarks from the narrator: Finish your drink

So, I'd love to do this drinking game with any friends that are up for it as we watch this film and determine if the President is a Marxist. Of course, there are some concerns. I have every expectation that a free DVD that I receive in the mail, regardless of content, is most likely to destroy my DVD player.

The DVD also purports to be “the political documentary that everyone is talking about.” Considering I had never heard of it, not everyone is talking about it. Also, the film is backed up by two people praising it. One is, “A shocking narrative on what could be Obama's most closely guarded secret.” – Jerry Doyle, The Jerry Doyle Show. Who the hell is Jerry Doyle? As it turns out, he was on Babylon 5, and thinks this could be Obama's most closely guarded secret. I'm not sure what Obama's most closely guarded secret is if it's not this one. This DVD might as well have a third quote: "I made a drinking game to this movie." -- Sumukh Torgalkar, Comedifans. 

So, I'm looking forward to watching this movie and playing this drinking game. I'm really hoping this song plays at some point during the movie:

Comedifans - Episode 047

Sumukh and Golak are back! After a short absence, the boys are back original recipe style to tackle the hot topics of the day. Sumukh and Golak talk Browns football, wings, Buckeyes football, tailgating, Cincinnati sports, Reds, baseball, and a possible format change!

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The End of Fantasy Football

This may be my last year doing fantasy football. Judging by my conversations with him, it’s definitely Golak’s last year. Is it because my teams consistently stink? Possibly.  Mainly, though, it’s because things have just gotten crazy.

I first started playing fantasy football in 1999. My fantasy football teams were great because I had nothing better to do. I wasn’t able to drive yet. I was shy in general. My friends were also nerds who were into sports. What else could I do but sit down, watch games, analyze statistics, and be on the Internet enough to make moves quickly to better my team? I always played only one team a year. I won one league title and was in the top four of leagues every year I was in high school. 

I got to college and things started to stray. While I still liked watching football and fantasy football, I had other things going on and actually liked to go outside, so my teams started to turn downward. There was even one year where I did not play fantasy football.

Now, it’s gotten to a point where it’s really out of hand. I have my day job, I do comedy, and I have a social life. This leaves little time for being a statistics nerd. I recently picked up Baltimore tight end Dennis Pitta because I heard one interview with Ron Jaworski, and he said that he’s good. That’s the time on my hands for fantasy football. I can’t hang with a world of people who care about it way more than I do. I can’t hang with people who choose being plugged into multiple computers and smartphones to keep up with their statistics and which players to pick up and drop. I can’t keep up with weekly podcasts and columns from “fantasy experts” (people who managed to turn 1999 me into a career. Why couldn’t I have done this?!).

Nevertheless, I did some proper research cramming the day before my draft. As a result, I somehow ended up winning “Best Draft” based off whatever analysis Yahoo did. This was not surprisingly the kiss of death. My team is now 0-2, and after Cam Newton’s awful performance on Thursday night, may be trudging its way to 0-3. 

Last weekend, Golak and I went out to watch the games at a local Buffalo Wild Wings (yes, we were like the people in the commercials! By the way, the most fun/pathetic thing to do when at a Buffalo Wild Wings is to start cheering when a Buffalo Wild Wings commercial comes on the TVs). There was one particular guy going crazy over fantasy football. At one point, he looked at the screen the Chiefs were on and said, “Come on, Dexter McCluster!” Dexter McCluster? How deep is your league that you need him to do anything? Finally, he was screaming at so many different screens that it led another guy (not surprisingly a Browns fan in a Josh Cribbs jersey) to say, “You’re cheering for too much!” 

My main point is that fantasy football has lost its luster just like poker, competitive basketball, and even competitive tennis did for me. Somewhere along the line, people managed to destroy it and take away the elements of it that made it enjoyable. For fantasy football, it’s more about the money and the desperation than it is about the skill and the fun, which at that point, I might as well gamble on actual games rather than having to care about statistics and making updates during the week. So, it looks like 2012 may be the year I retire from fantasy football. Now, watch as my team runs off 14 straight wins and takes down the title.   

  I know as much about Dennis Pitta as I do the woman in this photo with him.

The Retirement of the Sega Genesis

I purchased a Playstation 3 Move last week. This signaled the end of a 19-year run of the Sega Genesis being my premiere gaming system (I did briefly have the original Playstation, but never played it to the extent that I did the Genesis). The Genesis has followed me everywhere from when I was a child through college to now even in my yuppie years.

I received the Sega Genesis as a birthday gift from my family. It was a big surprise. I grew up normally not getting what I wanted for gifts, and when I did, I certainly felt guilty for receiving anything. After yearning for a Nintendo for years, it felt great to finally get one of the main systems on the market.

I started racking up games. I found myself going to our local Video Game Exchange often just to test out games on their screens and end up buying or trading games in. I remember that the Video Game Exchange had a sticker system and the color of the sticker matched what the price was for it. If I remember, the blue sticker was the most expensive. I never bought anything with a blue sticker on it.

Over the years, I collected a bunch of games and continued playing them. It got to the point where my friends found it hilarious that I even owned a Genesis. I went with Golak to a flea market in Columbus to buy games. Fellow comedian and friend Matthew Horn bought me a copy of WWF Royal Rumble for one of my birthdays. It had no manual with it, so I still have no idea how to pin an opponent.

For all the guilt I may have felt for having money spent on me for the system or for games, let's look at the cold, hard facts. Sega built a great system. My system is still going strong after 19 years. There's never been a situation where I needed to repair it or there was some type of major malfunction like the disc issues I've heard of with Sony products. I can still blow into a cartridge when needed, shove it into the Genesis, and it works just fine once you see those beautiful words: “PRODUCED BY OR UNDER LICENSE BY SEGA ENTERPRISES, LTD.”

In honor of the changing of the guard of gaming systems in my apartment, I spent my Friday night before going to bed playing Tecmo World Cup Soccer. I chose to try to win the World Cup with the good ole' U.S.A. What is hilarious about playing a game from 1990 is that the “Save” feature didn't exist. If you decided to play the World Cup, you were plunking down over an hour of your time to play every single game on your march to the cup. That's what I did on Friday night. As the U.S., I dismantled my opponents, outscoring them 24-7 on my way to the World Cup. I dismissed Brazil twice and held off a tough match in the Quarterfinals vs. Italy. It was like nothing had changed. I still have the Genesis playing ability that I did as a kid. Also, in a funny moment representative of 1990, your honor for winning the World Cup was a song playing while listing the final scores of all your games, and then you got to read the credits for the game. These days, there is a huge celebration on the screen or a trophy presentation or codes get unlocked for you. In the early days, the great reward was to know the people who created the game.

I love the Genesis. It still sits in my apartment ready to be played, and I have every belief it can last yet another 19 years. In honor of the Genesis, here's the victory song, “Sutakora Sassa!” from my favorite video game of all-time, Golden Axe.

Comedifans - Episode 046

Sumukh and Golak sit down with funny friend Matt Horn. The three talk about Ohio State football, Ohio State fans, NCAA season outlook, Fantasy Football, sleeper picks, the Browns' schedule, action movies, and martial arts tournaments.

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Comedifans - Episode 045

Sumukh and Golak are back with an Original Recipe/On The Road split! First, Sumukh and Golak rap about Lance Armstrong, cancer bracelets, charity, steroids, and Browns football. Then Sumukh heads down to Cincinnati and talks with Queen City comic Alex Stone. The two talk baseball, running, intramural sports, and comedy.

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Comedifans - Episode 044

Sumukh and Golak chat it up with guest Brooke Cartus. The gang talks Browns football, Bills football, Kan Jam, tailgating, lesbian sex, squish the fish, hockey, rivalries, perfect games, and cycles.

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An Open Letter To The Next Browns' Quarterback

Dear 2013 1st Round Draft Pick/Overpriced, Old Free Agent or Trade Acquisition,

Welcome to our "team." I know there's a lot of excitement about your arrival, but please, please don't let it go to your head. Soon enough your will be gone or, at minimum, you will be demonized by the fan base for taking away playing time from the 2014 version of you who is "sinfully" riding the bench behind you.

But it's not all grim...if you just enjoy the ride. Hey, remember the guy you replaced? Weeden. He was highly touted too. Before he wasn't. By Week 8, he couldn't do ANYTHING right. But Week 2 of the pre-season? He was glorified for a mid-70s QB rating. Why? Mostly because it was an improvement. An improvement over the 19 he put up in his first pre-season start. Don't worry, the former savior of this team got a good job selling insurance back in Oklahoma. (Honestly, he may be playing third string for the Seahawks, but I thought I'd give his hypothetical future a more dignified and profitable lot.)

It's not that Cleveland Browns fans will come to hate you. It's just...they never really liked you in the first place. People think that Browns fans like being miserable. That's not true. We just LOVE hope. But happiness and success don't breed hope. Hope is an attribute of the destitute. The last half of any season (or in your case, Cleveland QB's career) is designed to setup a bottom. "Our future has floundered. We need more weapons. If we can just put it together in the offseason..." That way, the first half of the following season (and the months before it) can be filled with that sweet nectar of hope. "Great offseason moves! I think they're putting it together! (And in your case) This is our franchise QB of the future!!!" They need your fall to setup their rise. It's not that they don't want success, but at this point in the teams unfathomably bad history, it's really Super Bowl or Bust. Because while a Super Bowl is the dream, Bust ain't that bad either. An offseason of cathartic and fan-base-team-building complaining followed by a hope-filled 1st half of the following season isn't the worst parting gift.

Anyways, just wanted to give you a heads up. Good luck, and get your BJs in before midseason.

Sincerely,

A Browns Fan til I die, because it will probably kill me.

Comedifans - Episode 043

Sumukh and Golak are back with 2 guests! Former guest (and former Sumukh and Golak roommate) Jon Perry and our first call-in guest, Nirish Doshi, are in studio. The four fellas talk pre-season football, the Browns' 2012-2013 outlook, the less sad Packers' 2012-2013 outlook, Dwight Howard, the new NBA playoff picture, LeBron, Olympics, Blade Runner, surgical procedures, dating, and cold opens.

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Remembering J. Medicine Hat

Comedian J. Medicine Hat has passed away. I didn't know J. Medicine Hat. I can't call him a friend. I can only recount the one night that I worked with him, and how it still stands out as a strangely memorable night in my comedy life.

To begin with, I had no idea who J. Medicine Hat was until I started doing stand-up comedy. As a new comedian in Columbus, I'd check out The Funny Bone's schedule and would often see J. Medicine Hat's name on it and this picture of him:

This headshot kind of scared me. Who was this mean looking guy who had to be quite a draw considering he worked several weekends out of the year in Columbus? I was told he was a hypnotist comedian. For some stand-up comedians, that probably left him open to criticism, but I've always been intrigued by hypnosis, so I checked out a show, and was part of a crowd that loved every minute of it.

I had the opportunity to open for J. Medicine Hat as a fill-in on some Saturday night shows at the Funny Bone. I got asked to do it the day of the show. It was a weird night for me. My girlfriend at the time and I had planned a date night. As a comedian, if I'm given an opportunity and I'm available to do it, I'm going to do it. I explained the situation to my girlfriend, she was understanding of it, and we spent our date night having drinks at the Funny Bone. It was made stranger because one of my best friends and his girlfriend came into town as well and met us up there. So, here I was, having a double date while also doing comedy at the same time. It was the first time that my personal social life came to a head with my comedy life on the same night. I juggled doing a few minutes of stage time in front of complete strangers with conversations with some of the closest people in my life in the bar area.

Besides conversations with my friends, I also had conversations with J. Medicine Hat. He was very kind. He was a fan of boxing. We talked about the Mayweather-Marquez fight, and our hope for Mayweather-Pacquiao, which still hasn't come to fruition. The most touching moment was when he was aware that my girlfriend was out in the bar area. He asked to meet her and was nothing but complimentary with both of us. It's all that you can ask for as an opener – to work with another comedian that's nice and, even better, with his experience and conversation, you are able to glean and learn more about comedy and the lifestyle that comes with it.

I guess I remember that night because I always reference it as one of the many reasons that my relationship with that girlfriend ended. I still have a difficult time juggling my personal life with what I want out of comedy. But, I also remember it equally for my interaction with J. Medicine Hat, and how highly opposite it was from whatever impression I may have gotten from his headshot. After that night, I looked at that headshot with even more intrigue. Simply put, J. Medicine Hat had decades of experience on stages, made tons of people laugh, was a constant draw that had his fans coming back every time he was in town, and was extremely nice to an opening act he had never met before and would never see again. There's not much more that you can ask from a comedian.

Rest in peace, J. Medicine Hat.

Comedifans - Episode 042

Sumukh and Golak bring in guest Aaron Nemo for some sports talk. The group talks Olympics, Usain Bolt, Natrone Means, Wham!, B-Team Basketball, Judaism, wings, bars, MLB, Seether, and cartoons.

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Deke Wilson's Mini-Mysteries

On Saturday, I found out a great fact: all episodes of the TV show Deke Wilson's Mini-Mysteries are now available on YouTube! Deke Wilson's Mini-Mysteries was a Canadian kids show that revolved around teenager Deke Wilson solving mysteries around his neighborhood and school. It was kind of like a Canadian television version of Encyclopedia Brown as Deke had his own detective agency, friends, and cases.

You may be asking yourself: how could a kid who grew up in Cleveland even know about a Canadian kids show? In middle school, our cable provider had the Encore network's package of channels, which included WAM!, a channel devoted to programming for children. WAM! was in its earliest incarnation and other than family films that Encore had the rights to, they clearly had some space to fill, which they did with Canadian shows from the late 80s and early 90s. This included both Deke and Kerrisdale High, a show most well known for kicking off the careers of now recognizable actors Devon Sawa and Sarah Chalke.

The show's premise was pretty simple. Deke has a detective agency where kids can ask him to help solve a mystery for them. With his humorous sidekick Arthur, Deke looks for clues and solves the mysteries. There's also their mutual friend Zane, who is perhaps most memorable for being kidnapped in one episode. In addition is Deke's pesky younger sister (because it can't be a children's show without an annoying sibling) and Jennifer, Deke's main squeeze.

Deke Wilson's Mini-Mysteries lasted only one season. It was filmed in Windsor, Canada, and contained local child actors in the leads. None of these actors have gone on to careers in the field. Check out this episode of Deke as he exposes who sent a threatening message to a teacher and a suspicious new kid who is trying to pick up Deke's date to the dance. This episode is particularly awesome because it contains plenty of cheesy scenes in a 1980s middle school dance!

As a fan of the show, I can't help but sit back and ask, “Where Are They Now?” so I of course spent way too much time for this blog post trying to find that out.

Eddie Hawkeswood, who played Deke, is now known as Edwin Hawkeswood. He appears to have continued to work in theatre and film in some capacity, but according to this article, he then moved on to be the floor director for games for various Toronto sports teams. He also went bald (we have something in common!) and has a family (we don't have something in common!). He also seems to like beer as he's participated in a beer race. Simply put, I want to hang out with Edwin Hawkeswood.

James Brejcha, who played Arthur, was a lead singer for a popular band in the underground Windsor scene according to this site. The same article claims he moved West, and this still shows that he has a mySpace page for some reason (I'm not sure why anyone still has a mySpace page).

Zane Handysides, who played Zane, is now a lawyer in Windsor. Also, his brother Brook recently got married. Congratulations Brook and Sarah! This is where the Internet has made things insane. By just doing research, I ended up on the wedding website of the brother of a supporting character in a short-lived Canadian children's TV show. That's ridiculous. I have no business knowing this information, but now I know this information, and all of you do, too.

I couldn't find any other information about anyone from the show. Strangely, the episodes of Deke that have been posted that I've watched do not contain credits, and so I don't recall the names of the other actors on the show.

But, if you love mysteries, being a kid again, Canada, and the 1980s, it's worth checking out Deke Wilson's Mini-Mysteries.

Wow. This makes me really want to go up to Windsor, gamble at the casino, hit up the bars, and hang out with the entire cast from this show. Let's solve the mystery of how much money we can blow at our favorite place across the border!

That Familiar Olympics Theme Song

You may be asking yourself: who is this guy? The answer is Randy Edelman. If you're watching NBC's coverage of The Olympics and you hear the music in the background during any commercial break, that's Edelman's work.

But, what you may not know is that this song is nearly two decades old. It originally appeared on a short-lived FOX show, The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. Though a forgettable show, its theme song was one of the best of all-time in my opinion.

My first knowledge of Edelman's collaboration with NBC came when he composed the NFL on NBC's theme song beginning in 1995. This was a weird time for me as this was the season that Art Modell announced the Browns would move to Baltimore. I then filled my football fandom void with the Kansas City Chiefs, who not surprisingly blew two Divisional Round playoff games in 1995 and 1997 to the tune of this song. 




NBC was smart. They knew how awesome of a theme song The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. was that they re-used it in their sports coverage. Unfortunately, that sports coverage was the 1997 World Series. Edelman, why must you torture me with your excellent theme songs?! After Edgar Renteria knocked in the game winner in the 11th inning to give the Marlins the title over the Indians, these credits ran (FACT: I was asleep at this point. My parents forced me to go to bed after Jose Mesa blew the save. I found out the results of the game the next day on WKYC Channel 3's morning news prior to going to school).

After re-watching those credits, there's two initial thoughts. First, screw Moises Alou. He won a title with the Marlins, and then to be in part the cause of the Steve Bartman play? Second, the Cleveland Indians won this World Series as far as I'm concerned.

So, as much as Randy Edelman may have been a part of some torturous experiences for me as a fan, at least the torture is accompanied by some great music. I can now know that the music is only associated with The Olympics where America has a tendency to always do well unlike most teams I normally cheer for.

Comedifans - Episode 041

Original Recipe!  Sumukh and Golak sitdown and talk Olympic coverage, swimming, women's basketball, possible women's basketball rule changes, new Olympic sports, the sale of the Browns, the Corey's, Todd Bridges, and where Wendy Williams falls in line with a previous discussion we had.

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The Celebrity Run-Ins Of Louis C.K.

If you scour the depths of YouTube, there are many gems to be found. A particular group of videos that I have come across recently are videos (a term used loosely as you will soon see) that feature Louis C.K. recanting hilarious run-ins he's had with a variety of celebrities. My favorites are below.

Matthew Perry

Gotta love asshole celebrity stories! I also love the acknowledgement that comics are particularly adept at handling free drink situations.


Martin Sheen

...and a close second, celebrity silly/ridiculous/eccentric stories.


Eve and Vin Diesel

This made me slightly change the way I feel about (negatively) Eve and (positively) Vin Diesel. Kudos to the poster for adding the MTV footage to the end of this video that he/she knew we'd all be frantically searching for at the conclusion of the story.


Rip Taylor

Similar in set-up to the Eve and Vin Diesel story with a hilariously swapped turn of events.


Barbara Walters/The cast of The View

Louis talks about his infamous appearance on The View while he was going around doing press for the first season of Lucky Louie. (Check out the appearance HERE (Part 1) and HERE (Part 2))


Dennis Leary

A hilarious and revealing story about Dennis Leary and the genesis of his famous "Asshole" song. A pretty big charge for Louis to wage against Leary, but his choice to remain relatively mute on the Dane Cook joke-stealing charges, when that was big, makes me tend to believe something like this when he offers it up voluntarily. But you can go ahead and choose not to believe it and just be content with the other 127 stories about Dennis Leary being an insufferable hack. (Leary does offer a short response back HERE).

Philosedy

Social commentator. Revolutionary. Genius! Maybe. When a comic reaches certain heights, many people tend to want to add addendums to the "comedian" moniker--feeling that "comedian" no longer encapsulates the work the artist is now producing (or has produced). Perhaps a compliment to the artist. Perhaps a slight to the art form. Either way, I like a comic who can wear more than one hat (unless it's a silly one, because that's so fucking hack). I enjoy--and feel like this one sometimes gets lost in the shuffle--when a comedian can take on the role of a philosopher.

Speaking in taught, grandiose language about the world--trying to give it some hope and meaning. Now most "philosedy" is rather broad and, usually opposed to the rest of the performer's act, somewhat naively optimistic. But maybe that's the point. After taking the better part of an hour telling an audience how there's no god, the government's lying to you, and your life is mostly a shell, maybe a comic want to prove to you--and perhaps to themselves--that it's all not that bad.

I know the clips below don't glow with the most revealing introspection you've ever heard or read, but maybe I forgive their broadness because I know they are being said by men who have proved to me, through every other word they've ever said and/or spoke, that they are some of the truly great minds we, as a society, have ever known. So, while these clips below may be only a half step above a "Live, Laugh, Love" picture frame or a shared photo from George Takei's facebook feed, they make me happy.


Bill Hicks - It's Just A Ride

A great end to a great special. I always imagine life at "The Raptor" from Cedar Point while listening to this.


George Carlin - The Big Electron

Taken from Carlin's bit, Saving The Planet. I have the video cued up to the relevant segment, but if you get a chance, give the whole clip a listen. Like most great pieces of material, just as relevant today as it was round-about 2 decades ago.


Lenny Bruce - The Truth

Short but sweet.

Comedifans Post-Game - Episode 040

As mentioned in “Comedifans” Episode 40 and previous “Comedifans” episodes, I agreed with Golak to eat ribs after 17 years of never doing so. That happened this past weekend at the Jazz & Ribs Festival in Columbus.

I stopped eating beef and pork back in elementary school. It was a combination of decisions that prompted it. First, I was grabbing a further understanding of my religion, and felt that if my mother wasn't cooking any beef and pork as part of our cuisine and it wasn't a part of their cultural upbringing either, why should I be eating it? It also was a time when Mad Cow Disease, e.Coli, and other bacteria in beef products were becoming big deals and constantly covered in the news. To me, I could sacrifice those meats and live a healthier lifestyle, and I've kept up with that over the years.

When I did eat beef and pork, I loved ribs. That was because of Geppetto's, a Cleveland tradition known for their award-winning ribs. Like most Clevelanders, I loved Geppetto's, so when I made this decision, that was the toughest of those meats to sacrifice. A Big Mac didn't matter. Bacon wasn't a big thing. But, Geppetto's ribs, that was going to be difficult.

Nevertheless, I've gone so many years without it, so it was nice to get out at a big event like the Jazz & Ribs Festival and eat some ribs again. There were a lot of options to choose from, so I obviously had to rely off Golak for the decision making. Every ribs place was award-winning. It just depends on the award and the part of the country. It was like going to the local showcase at the Funny Bone where half the comics you see get introduced as a finalist or the winner of “The Funniest Person in Columbus.” Well, I guess they'll all be at least good. So, our buddy Duffy had tried Pigfoot on Friday night, so that's where we went to as well as Famous Dave's, a Golak selection. I got a sampler at Pigfoot and a sampler platter at Famous Dave's.

All in all, it was nice to eat ribs again. Both ribs were good. I guess they are deserving of winning awards, but then again, I haven't eaten them in 17 years, so what do I know? I enjoyed a $5 lemonade with my ribs, which brings up the fact that I should quit comedy and open up a lemonade stand at festivals. The overhead that company got is ridiculous. Though, I must say, the lemonade really hit the spot on such a hot day, and the platter made me want to go home and make more cornbread.

On a side note with this “Comedifans” episode, I wanted to do the Jim Thome comparison. Take a look at Jim Thome photos from 1992 and 2011. Hmm, maybe it's just baggier clothing. You make the decision. 

Comedifans - Episode 040

Sumukh and Golak sit down and chat with Jason Clemmer. The trio talk Penn State, Paterno statue, The Open Championship, sandwiches, ribs, jazz, MLB, steroids, Paul Sorrento, and Rick Nash.

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Sanjay A. Yelp Review: The Treehouse

Sanjay A. is BACK! Here's his Yelp! review of The Treehouse in Cleveland, Ohio. Make sure you don't confuse it with the one that was in Columbus. Or should you?

The Dark Knight Rises, The Brown Comedian Falls...Asleep

It had been a long week for me. With my day job and comedy, my sleeping patterns have always been suspect. But, nothing was going to stop me from seeing The Dark Knight Rises this weekend. My buddy from Cleveland was coming into town, so a group of us made a plan to watch the 10:40 PM showing on Friday night.

Since I don't see these friends as often, we went all out at happy hour. There were beverages and half-price appetizers galore. I was filled up to a disgusting level for the movie. There would be no need for me to feel hungry during the show.

However, knowing full well  I hadn't gotten a great night of sleep throughout the week and now I had plenty of food in me, the possibility of me dozing off was high. I also had a history of this type of thing occurring. On a similar night, I fell asleep during a 10 PM showing of The Expendables. I briefly dozed off during an afternoon show of The Avengers (by the way, 3-D glasses really help cover up the embarrassment of taking a nap during a movie you paid a lot of money to see). Simply put, a food coma and a dark movie theater do not mix well for me.

Well aware of my track record, I decided that, given the circumstances, I needed a 5-Hour Energy. I took down the 5-Hour Energy. As I would soon find out, 5-Hour Energy has no effect on my body in this circumstance.

We arrived at 10:10 to find the line leading into the theater where the 10:40 showing was going on was quite long. While we may have bought advanced tickets, we did not buy advanced line placement. We managed to get seats together in the third row. As a result, I knew this might not go well. I have a ton of food and drink in my system, and now I have to crane my neck to look at a giant IMAX screen for three hours? This is going to get uncomfortable.

I fell asleep during the previews. I don't know a single trailer that happened nor any other advertisements. However, it was perfect timing. As the movie began, I woke up and was alert. I thought to myself that I got the nap that I needed out of the way and that I could make it through the long haul of the movie.

It was going well for a while. I was enjoying the movie and was focused on it, but then it started to turn. At some point, Catwoman was talking, and I dozed off, and had a dream that involved eating tater tots (one of the appetizers that I did eat earlier in the night). So, essentially, portions of The Dark Knight Rises became Inception for me.

I don't know how long I was asleep for, but I woke up in time for the major portion of the film and the parts that counted that led to the ending.

I left the theater with a bit of neck pain and a complete desire to go directly to bed. I also think I have to put a ban on myself of not seeing any movie after 10 PM. I just cannot be trusted to be alert.

Also, as a result, I'm going to have to watch The Dark Knight Rises again. I'll likely do a matinee a month from now. I'll also be making sure the matinee is not after a major meal. 

                     I fell asleep at a Halloween party at 9:30 PM. I'm awesome.

The Color Run

I planned on running this morning with a friend of mine at 9 AM. I woke up as I had planned at 8 AM, but I could hear a bunch of loud music outside. What was happening? Then, I realized it: “The Color Run” was today!

I had been interested in doing “The Color Run” but it was one of those things that fell through the cracks. I talked about it with friends but then no one followed up on it, and then all of a sudden, registration for the event was sold out.

Hearing the music so close to my apartment, in my daze to wake up, I pulled up “The Color Run” website on my phone to see the race route. I wanted to make sure I'd be able to get out on to the streets to meet my friend for our run. As it turned out, the race was running right in front of my apartment and my street was a part where color would be thrown on to runners.

I quickly got ready for my own run and postponed it until 10 AM so that I could watch runners get hit with colors. It was pretty hilarious. Some of the volunteers throwing colors were nailing people in the face pretty well. Someone brought a baby in a stroller. The baby wasn't having it. He started crying mostly because he got hit in the face with color at some point.

When I came out of my apartment, I talked to one of the volunteers outside. Seeing that I had emerged from my apartment, he told me my car would be fine. I told him I didn't care. My car was in the lot. I didn't expect it to get hit with colors. However, there was a BMW on the street, and despite this volunteer's claim, it got hit with plenty of orange on its black exterior. The funny part was the ton of people who ran by it either feeling bad for the car, pointing it out, taking pictures of it, or writing stuff on it. As of right now, trucks have cleaned off the streets and even gave a free car wash to the BMW, so I think all is okay for the owner of that car (Why shouldn't it be? He/she owns a BMW!)

Since I was preparing to go on a run, I was in running clothes while I stood outside. I must have looked like a dick. I was wearing my 2009 Capital City Half Marathon shirt. It almost seemed like I was bragging. “Oh, you're running a 5K with colors? I run half marathons, and I've been doing it since 2009. Look at me!” Also, it's kind of odd when you and two random photographers are the only people observing the runners. I didn't know what to do, but stand and smile. It's not as if I could cheer them on. It's not like they're really concerned about their times or goals. They are running a race where they are getting covered in colors. Some of them are running backwards or in circles. At most, I could just dance or jump around, but it's 9 AM and I'm by myself. I'm trying to avoid looking insane and weird.

Despite the fact that I just stood there lurking, people were really excited and approachable. As they saw I was just a random guy, I was asked by six different people to take a photograph of their group of runners. Some of these cameras/smartphones were just caked in the colors of “The Color Run.” The funniest was when I came back out of my apartment and a group were standing outside and asked me to take a photo. I took it, and then one of the women asked if I wanted some color for my shirt. I said, “Sure,” we hugged, and now I was going for a run looking like I had already been in “The Color Run.”

The mist of the colors wafted in the air. As a result, even in my walk over to meet my friend for our run, my running shoes became covered in colors. As is our tradition, my friend and I do a run and then head to breakfast. The host said to me, “We've had a lot of people look like you come in today.” I laughed then wished I said, “What? Indian people?” What a racist host. Then again, she was actually saying I looked like tons of people who had many colors on themselves. What a diverse host!

As we paid for our breakfast and left, another employee asked if I ran “The Color Run” since I still had colors on me (though it looked more like I sweat orange at this point), and I explained to her that we ran separately yet I still got hit by colors, which had to only be confusing. I wasn't about to lie about “The Color Run” and my participation. But, judging by how fun it looked today, I see a color run definitely in my future.

Now, for no other reason than frequent use of the word color reminding me of it, here's the opening theme to In Living Color!

Comedifans Post-Game - Episode 039

Melky Cabrera. Sumukh's favorite baseball player. He may even name his kid after him. That would be a good start; because out of all the names registered with the U.S. census, Melky is not one of them. Neither is Milky or Milk.

But neither is Sumukh. So maybe that's the root of the love.

However, Justin...#30 as of 2004! Justin Power!

My favorite song by a Justin:


My favorite wrestler named Justin: (I actually don't much care for him, but it's a short list.)

Comedifans - Episode 039

Sumukh and Golak sit down with each other to talk sports, "Original Recipe" style, with no guest. The two discuss Paterno and the future of Penn State football, college football, feelings towards boxing, Kahn/Garcia, the NBA landscape, and the MLB All-Star game.

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Comedifans Post-Game - Episode 038

So, I was wrong when I called the nameless woman from Ricky Martin's hit song "Livin' La Vida Loca" a whore. I looked at the lyrics more closely, and I was wrong. However, the lyrics do pin her as a pagan, possible sex offender, crook. Feel free to practice whichever religion you want, but I cannot condone ruffying a man for the purposes of, at minimum, theft. That is livin' la vida criminal! (Criminal is spelled the same in English and in Spanish. For maximum funny, read the work as "crim-een-al.")



My favorite song from the Latin Boom:


Muy triste! Who said Mickey Rourke's comeback started with The Wrestler?

My favorite song from the Indian Boom: