Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Comedifans - Episode 020
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Definitive Breakdown of a "Ghostwriter" Episode
One of the most popular public television programs during my childhood was Ghostwriter. The TV show followed a group of children who could see a ghost, Ghostwriter, who would assist them in solving mysteries in Fort Greene, Brooklyn. The point of the show was to promote literacy among children. In an attempt to decipher who exactly Ghostwriter was and how the show stands today, I watched an entire case, “Who Burned Down Mr. Brinker's Store?” recently.
Each case for Ghostwriter was divided into four parts. The team developed a casebook which they would write suspects and clues in. They would also conduct a Rally for each other to meet up, which they would communicate via Ghostwriter.
Here's the opening theme, which actually is informative in explaining the show and the members of the Ghostwriter team. You may be wondering, “Have you made a drinking game for this show?” Yes, I have. One of the rules is that whenever someone says, “Ghostwriter,” you drink. In the theme song, that's 26 times. It'll get you messed up. Also, is it just a coincidence that Ghostwriter is said 26 times and there are 26 letters in the alphabet? I'd like to think the songwriter knew full well there would be a drinking game for this show.
“Who Burned Down Mr. Brinker's Store?” was the second case for the Ghostwriter team. The entire case is available on YouTube if you wish to put that much effort into this blog post.
The episode opens with a special guest star (something that the Ghostwriter producers were strangely capable of getting regularly). It was Jeremy Miller, Ben Seaver from Growing Pains. In this episode, he sports quite the mullet. We learn his name is Craig and he's desperate to get in on a game at the local basketball court. Craig also apparently plays basketball in khakis. Jamal (played by Sheldon Turnipseed, who knows where he is now?) stands up for Craig against the local king of the basketball court, Momo. Craig sets up a game against this dude to establish if he deserves to play on this neighborhood basketball court. So far, no mystery here, but some subtle racial commentary.
Jamal hangs out at Brinker's, a video store that also has video games and it's owned by Mr. Brinker. Signal: second special guest star! Mr. Brinker is played by Max Wright, best known as Willie from ALF! Boy, Max is definitely not as nice as when he had his alien friend by his side. Jamal is playing some type of computer game. A mysterious man in a suit arrives out of a cab and gives Mr. Brinker a letter. Mr. Brinker refuses to accept the letter and retreats to the back of his store. Jamal is curious, especially when Ghostwriter appears on his computer screen to ask him what “infringement” means. Hmm, for a ghost that promotes literacy and seems to be all about words, Ghostwriter is not exactly a dictionary. Mr. Brinker emerges, the man in the suit forces him to take the letter, Brinker does not seem happy and acts like a douche to Jamal.
Jamal returns home and he is as irate as a 12 year old can be. He starts to vent in words that he writes on his computer. Ghostwriter intervenes to calm Jamal down. Hmm, so Ghostwriter has some psychological knowledge? What a great friend. Ghostwriter comforts Jamal. Jamal begins to write a letter to Mr. Brinker to defend the rights of the children who visit Brinker's from Mr. Brinker's unwarranted rage. At one point, Jamal approaches his Grandma (Marcella Lowery, also memorable for her role as the principal on City Guys. Did I just say City Guys was memorable?) to find out a synonym to use in the letter. Ghostwriter may not be a dictionary, but Grandma Jenkins is a thesaurus!
We cut to Lenni, another member of the Ghostwriter team, who is working on a song. When I think about it, I can't imagine that a single one of these actors would want to watch this show now. At a point in our life in the early 90s where we dressed odd and did potentially embarrassing things, well, that was all documented for these kids. In actor Blaze Berdahl's case, she got the worst of it on this show. Lenni was the character who was all into music because of her musician father, so she'd always end up composing songs, singing, or dancing. Her songs were clearly written by an adult who had to think of something positive and for children, so it all just ended up being about “friends.” I think this same person was simultaneously writing songs for The Zack Attack on Saved by the Bell.
In the meantime, Jamal goes to drop off his letter to Brinker's. Some kids throw fireworks at him, which causes damage to his jacket. Later, we find out that Brinker's store catches fire. Ahh, the mystery has begun!
Gaby and Tina arrive on the scene to try to interview Lt. McQuade, the investigator of the arson. Gaby is the reporter and Tina is the director and being a bit of a bitch about it. Lt. McQuade has no time for these children. However, later Gaby slips him a note, which convinces Lt. McQuade to conduct an interview. Tina is impressed. Gaby says she used word imagery in the note to convince Lt. McQuade. See, if you read and write well, you can convince police officers to give you any information you want.
By the end of this episode, Jamal is threatened. END OF PART ONE.
Part Two begins with Jamal lying to Lt. McQuade about his whereabouts when the fire happened. Jamal is a pretty terrible liar. He later finds his jacket, with the evidence of the burn mark. He knows he's not in good shape.
Ghostwriter is back to talk to Jamal. Man, Ghostwriter is being really annoying about this whole copyright infringement thing. He also asks Jamal what the “FBI” is. Hmm, so Ghostwriter is not an American. Interesting. Also, we're learning a lot about that letter that mysterious man handed Brinker. FBI and copyright infringement. What is Mr. Brinker up to?
Here's the point where it should be pointed how important Ghostwriter was in 1992 and how pointless he would be today. If Ghostwriter showed up today to a bunch of kids to help them, they could easily respond, “Uhh...we have the Internet.” These kids could Google “infringement” in a second and not deal with this annoying ghost trying to get answers from them on the word.
Gaby and Tina get to work on their casebook for this case. I have to admit that I was so obsessed with this show as a kid that I also had a casebook. I have no idea where it is. Just like any song performed by Lenni Frazier, I never want to see it again.
Jeremy Miller is back (I've decided to call him Jeremy Miller rather than his character name of Craig because he's freaking Jeremy Miller) and he's actually wearing proper basketball attire. He challenges Momo. They have a spirited battle, but Momo edges him out on the last shot. Frankly, Jeremy Miller's defense was terrible. However, he earns the respect of Momo and Jeremy Miller is now allowed to play on the neighborhood courts whenever he wants. Thank God!
Gaby and Tina go to interview the cab driver who brought the mysterious man in the suit to Brinker's store. Signal: third special guest star! Captain Lou Albano as the cab driver! Captain Lou gives plenty of information and thinks he will actually be on legitimate television because, you know, news agencies hire 10 year olds to do their work.
We return back to Jamal, whose father confronts him about the charges from the police that Jamal is a suspect in the Brinker's store arson. Signal: fourth special guest star (and biggest one yet)! Samuel L. Jackson as Jamal's father! This is an interesting point in Samuel L.'s career. This is right around the time of Jungle Fever and soon after he got out of rehab. Interesting that he was probably playing both a crackhead and a straight-laced father at the same time.
Jamal is in trouble. END OF PART TWO.
Jamal is wearing the same clothes that he seemingly wore a couple days earlier. When you have a public television budget, I assume this type of thing happens. Sadly, budget issues ended Ghostwriter. It was probably for the best as puberty was also ending the show. It was going to get odd in the fifth season if all of these teenagers preferred talking to their secret ghost rather than other people.
We find out that Mr. Brinker sells a used tape to Tina with an old Western on it. Frankly, Tina and Gaby's documentary looks far more interesting than this Western. They should consider selling it back to Mr. Brinker and possibly turn a profit. But, things are only getting further suspicious with Mr. Brinker and his tapes.
The team has a Rally where they officially have Tina join the team. She is presented with her official Ghostwriter team pen. This is an amazing moment for Tina. Sadly, no one can realize how much this actually was seen as a valuable item for children watching this show at the time. I gladly wanted to send in a self-addressed stamped envelope answering some Ghostwriter-related questions to some odd P.O. Box in New York to get one. You're not officially a member until you get a cheap ballpoint pen blessed by Ghostwriter.
Lt. McQuade is really coming down hard on Jamal, and so is the accusatory Mr. Brinker. It reaches blows in regards to Jamal's jacket. But, hey, Jeremy Miller is back! Jeremy Miller comes to Jamal's defense using a big phrase, “circumstantial evidence,” and Lt. McQuade must accept that Jeremy Miller is right. He can't arrest Jamal based only off circumstantial evidence. Mr. Brinker clearly doesn't like circumstantial evidence.
They call a rally again. Jeremy Miller wonders what a rally is, but they don't allow him to come along. He is NOT on the Ghostwriter team, remember? He does not have a pen!
While at the rally, Ghostwriter produces something he sees from the police station. It's an arrest warrant for Jamal Jenkins. He is to be arrested tomorrow for arson. NOOOOOO! END OF PART THREE.
Here's an extra fact about Jeremy Miller. Not only is he awesome at basketball and a sound legal mind, he also knows his electronics. With such versatility, how is this guy not on the Ghostwriter team?
The team creates an elaborate ruse in Brinker's so that Jeremy Miller can get access to the backroom and see what's up with all these tapes. Alex knocks over a bunch of tapes. Jeremy Miller and Jamal sneak in the back. Despite the two making noise in the backroom, Alex covers it up pretty well by renting about eighty movies. When Brinker finally goes to the backroom, Jeremy Miller and Jamal escape. Alex runs out the front thus preventing himself from renting $150 worth of videos.
Gaby and Tina interview a guy who delivers tapes to Mr. Brinker. Mr. Brinker hasn't paid in a while, so this dude gets really angry about it. Apparently, it doesn't dawn upon him that he's being videotaped or that these children are trying to free their friend from suspicion for arson.
The team looks back at all the video that Gaby and Tina have taken. The FBI agent entered Brinker's at 4:20. Nice job, adult writers of Ghostwriter – have to entertain yourself somehow. The writers do drop the ball as Ghostwriter responds to something that the team had said aloud. As established, “he can't hear and he can't talk,” and it's totally reliant on them communicating with him via words. It didn't happen in this case, and it's ultimately a major issue in this extremely deep show.
Via looking at Tina's video, the team determines that by the time listed on Brinker's store that Mr. Brinker must have set fire to his own store. They confront him in his backroom with the assistance of Lt. McQuade, and Mr. Brinker is taken away! Jamal is free!
At this point, Lt. McQuade proves that he is less effective than the Sheriff of Cabot Cove on Murder, She Wrote. It's one thing to allow a noted mystery writer to continuously outplay you, but a group of children? Let's just say Lt. McQuade won't be getting any promotion papers to a Law & Order series anytime soon.
Gaby and Tina create a moving documentary, which they show to the team and Jeremy Miller. Then, surprise, Ghostwriter reveals himself to the team and to Jeremy Miller! Jeremy Miller is now part of the team. The team then celebrates by dancing to Lenni's song.
While Jeremy Miller may have seen Ghostwriter, he was never seen again on the show. It probably was because his manager realized that Jeremy Miller could roll from Growing Pains into some other sweet television role that was way better than a show on public broadcasting. Hmm, maybe not.
Here's the end to this episode. Compare it to the Saved by the Bell friendship song and decide your favorite! Strangely, the Saved by the Bell tribute video contains the words “copyright infringement.” Thank God I watched this Ghostwriter episode so I understand what this Saved by the Bell fan is talking about.
Now, considering this episode, I think I've figured out who Ghostwriter is. He's not an American, willing to give his advice, and has the ability to bless. That's right. Ghostwriter is none other than Pope Pius IX, the longest-reigning Pope in history, who then felt the need to communicate to children in New York following his death!
Well, this has easily been the longest thing ever written on this site. If you're ever up for watching Ghostwriter (a.k.a. Pope Pius IX), let me know. Yes, I own the first season DVDs. And, by let me know, you will have to call a Rally.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
This Week in Chicken
After that, the rest of my week was pretty insane. I don't eat meat on Tuesdays, so my Fat Tuesday was actually the opposite of what the day should have been. Then again, I'm a Hindu, so I'm all backwards anyway, right? I did the open mic at Scarlet and Grey, and I decided to actually treat that show like I was 22 at Scarlet and Grey again, so that turned into a late night. We've now reached a chicken advisory watch.
On Wednesday, I got a sweet onion chicken teriyaki footlong sub from Subway. Hey, I got to take advantage of Februany before it becomes Marcharegularpricesareback. I then went to do a show in Cincinnati. I ate nothing until we headed back to Columbus, and I closed out the open mic at the Surly Girl. I got the hearty, delicious creamed chicken over biscuits at Surly Girl. It's always great to eat dinner at 1:30 A.M. I ate most of the chicken over biscuits, and refrigerated the rest (this would play a role later in chicken week!)
On Thursday, my co-workers and I went to Cafe Kabul on Olentangy River Road. If you're wondering, the ambiance is not great, but is way better than the actual city of Kabul. They had a buffet, so I actually pounded mostly chicken over rice or separate chicken drumsticks. That filled me up well before consuming a Monster Khaos after two straight late nights. We've now reached a chicken advisory warning. Life has become chicken. I overslept a nap, so I quickly had to get to Wild Goose Creative for “The Big Game Show!” I was hungry, so I walked over to this new restaurant near Wild Goose called Apps. They serve appetizers, but their menu is completely covered with the word, “Wangz,” that I now call the restaurant, Wangz. Anyway, I got some Wangz, waffle fries, and fried mushrooms. I don't know why I got fried mushrooms. Mushrooms are not meant to be fried. I should have gotten more Wangz!
On Friday, I realized that I still had my leftover creamed chicken over biscuits, so I brought that into work. However, I forgot to bring a plate, so I became paranoid the Surly Girl to-go box wasn't microwaveable, which I don't think it is. As I didn't want to set fire to a microwave and potentially entire office floor, I heated the meal for 30 seconds. It was lukewarm at best, so if I develop stomach issues at some point today, we all understand where that came from. Even if lukewarm, it was still delicious. I then had a show up in Cleveland. I ended up getting a chicken quesadilla. We've now reached a full chicken warning. The word CHICKEN is flashing red.
On my drive back, I stopped at the famous exit 186 off I-71 purposefully so I could at least get the precious biscuits at Popeye's. But, Popeye's was closed. I was legitimately sad. How do I not have a heart attack at this point?
Today is Saturday, and I have to go into work to get some things done. It's not a full chicken week unless there's a stop at Cane's, so that's the plan for lunch today. That will round up chicken week. Then again, we'll see what tonight has planned, which if it ends up being a late night, I have a bad feeling a certain call will be made by Steve Torgalkar to one of many local chicken sandwich delivery establishments.
By the way, I started my training for the half marathon and have not run at all during chicken week. I look forward to the effects of an entire Cane's meal on a six-mile run later this evening. CHICKEN!
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Comedifans - Episode 019
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Comedifans - Episode 018
Monday, February 13, 2012
The Comedy Sitdown - Episode 002 (Sumukh Torgalkar)
Saturday, February 11, 2012
COFFEE!
“If I don't have coffee within an hour and a half of waking up, I'm gonna commit a murder.” – Bill Simmons.
I think I'm starting to get addicted to drinking. I don't mean “drinking” in the sense of alcohol, but just the desire to always have a beverage with me: water, coffee, milk, beer, Arnold Palmer. It doesn't seem to matter anymore.
In my teenage years, I despised coffee. I would drink coffee whenever I was a kid as it was free and available whenever we'd go to the Stop-n-Shop grocery store. I then bought into the myth that coffee affected your height. I blamed coffee drinking as a child for not allowing me to be at least 6 feet tall. Genetics or just being Indian had nothing to do with it. It was coffee.
Even in college, when I started my suspect sleeping patterns, I survived heavily off Mountain Dew Code Red for caffeine purposes. I'd enjoy it anywhere from breakfast to my graveyard shifts working at the computer lab.
It wasn't until a couple years ago that I really hopped aboard with coffee again and forgave it for making me still above average in height for an Indian guy. It probably helped that I dated someone who worked primarily with coffee, hooked me up with free coffee, and bought me a coffee pot as a birthday gift.
It used to be that I would just have a simple cup of coffee each morning. I sometimes would just buy it at the cafeteria at work. It allowed me to keep alert with my growing responsibility at my day job and the late nights that come with comedy. Now, it has just become a problem of sorts.
I invested in a travel mug at Target, so that I could easily brew at home and take it with me to work. I now drink eight cups of coffee every morning. It breaks down as four cups that get brewed at home and taken to work. I pound that down over the course of an hour, then end up in the cafeteria at work, plunk down 55 cents to re-fill it with another four cups.
The taste in coffee is dramatically different in the first four cups as opposed to the second. I now think I have fixed myself on the name-brand home coffee that I like and it's Newman's Own Organics. The price is normally affordable in comparison to Starbucks home brew, tastes way better than Starbucks in my mind, is fair trade, goes to a good cause, and, hey, it's got Paul Newman's name on it. You can't go wrong with Paul Newman! I actually had a dollar off coupon for Starbucks the other day, which would have made it $9.99 but Newman's Own Medium Roast was on sale for just $7.49! Yes, my Giant Eagle Advantage Card can feed my addiction!
The next four cups are kind of terrible. The cafeteria at work primarily serves Seattle's Best coffee, which is frankly Seattle's Worst and probably World's Worst in regards to mainstream coffee. I get Level 3 which is acceptable. I also have tried Level 4. Level 4 is described as “Rich, elegant, complex.” I can assure you it is none of those adjectives mostly because I don't know what those adjectives mean in regards to coffee. They're possibly saying the coffee is comparable to chocolate, could be best found at a royal wedding, and/or may have a personality disorder. It's unimpressive, and when you see that it at times is the same price as Newman's Own Organics, I cannot understand who would go with Seattle's Best. You can't go wrong with Paul Newman!
So, anyway, I have the potential to be like the guy in the commercial below. As Golak said to me when this commercial aired, “That's you at 8 p.m.” (On a side note, with Golak, when he needs caffeine, he'll drink the Vitamin Water Energy, which I tried and it actually made me more tired. Okay, I totally have a problem.)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Everything but the Girl Bagel
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Comedifans - Episode 017
Sunday, February 5, 2012
The Worst Yet Best Super Bowl of My Life
The lead-up for Super Bowl XXXV was not particularly good for me. The Baltimore Ravens (still fresh enough from the move from Cleveland to feel like The Bizarro Browns) had made it into the Super Bowl. They were facing off against the Giants, and as this was pre-9/11 and the Yankees were dominating the baseball scene, the disgust with New York sports teams around the country was at a height.
I gave the game a shot, and that proved to be a waste of time. The Ravens shut down the Giants offensively and, led by Trent Dilfer, the Ravens did not have much of an offense themselves. The teams lit up the scoreboard for a 10-0 halftime score and I nearly passed out 10 times while watching it.
I figured that the halftime show might save this Super Bowl, but in fact, it only buried it officially as the worst Super Bowl of my life (which is saying something considering the multiple San Francisco blow-outs over the course of that time). The halftime show was produced by MTV and featured Aerosmith, Nelly, Mary J. Blige, *NSYNC (at their height), and Britney Spears (at her height...there's a lot of heights going on in this Super Bowl). The show was just a mash of garbage with each person singing random parts of various songs in their collections. The big mess of a closer of “Walk This Way” officially ended my interest in the entire Super Bowl.
I ended up going on to the computer, which led into a number of AOL Instant Messenger conversations. This was during the rise of AIM (not the height...heights would happen a couple years later). The best conversation was with my friend, Kelly, and we just kept writing the most random things and making ourselves laugh. At one point, I decided it would be hilarious to pull out the White Pages and figure out hypothetical great prank phone calls. I pulled up the name, Wassapan Poolpool, and I wrote to Kelly that I should call him up and ask for his son, “Swimmin'”? Kelly's response was the most hahahahahahhaha's I ever received in my AIM career. So, strangely, Super Bowl XXXV turned out to be a lot of fun, and Swimmin' Poolpool may have opened the door to my future comedy career pursuits.
On a side note, today's Halftime Show is Madonna. I am including the Madonna song that I enjoy the most, “Who's That Girl?” in this post. It is probably my favorite song because I think this is the hottest Madonna looked over her career. You now understand my tastes of women in the 80s. I also find the supporting cast in the video hilarious and that this song was connected to such a terrible movie. Let's have another great Super Bowl with teams I don't care about and what will likely be a mediocre at best Halftime Show!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
I Got a Tee Time at 7 O'Clock!: The Lawrence Taylor Interview
While listening to Bill Simmons's B.S. Report podcast, Simmons made reference to Lawrence Taylor's bizarre Inside the NFL interview. So, as I love football and anything that is bizarre, I had to watch this video at 2 A.M. when I can't go back to sleep. If you are a sports fan or you like weird interviews, spend the 13 minutes to watch this video and then meet me at the second paragraph below!
What makes the interview so odd and hilarious in a wrong kind of way is James Brown and Cris Collinsworth's attempts to get an apology out of Lawrence Taylor. The discussion of his arrest goes on for so long because they probably expected an apology to come out within the first thirty seconds, and it never came. It's also hilarious because Brown establishes at the beginning that Collinsworth doesn't even want to be there to interview him about that particular topic.
There are some particularly quotable lines from Taylor in such a short interview including “I never told you I was different,” “I pretty much have to—every day,” “What I put Rockland County through” and my personal favorite (which I will now say anytime I make a mistake), “I got a tee time at 7 o'clock.” Clearly, Taylor has no public relations representative and possibly not even a lawyer. I kind of want to shout "I got a tee time at 7 o'clock" at Joe Theismann.
But, the most important quote that grabs at the core of Taylor is when he says, “As easy as football, it's as hard as life is to me.” It's evident in that as to what he is. Taylor is football's version of The Wrestler. He's a guy who loves football and clearly put all his energy into it to a point that he has no sense as to how life works. He also acknowledges being given the leeway to do whatever he had wanted in life, and now as his expectation is to be a family man, he does not really have an interest in being that or even perhaps an understanding of it. He doesn't comprehend what is “straight and narrow,” which also makes me wonder if he's been busted for both cocaine and solicitation of an underage prostitute over the years, there's probably a ton of other possibly intriguing laws he broke during his time on the Giants' defense. Even more evidence of who Taylor is comes at the 10:30 mark in the video. Notice how different Taylor becomes when it's the subject of football. He brightens up, he's funny, he understands it entirely, and he's totally engaged in wanting to talk about it. Lawrence Taylor is a Hall of Famer at football, and probably the exact opposite of that when it comes to life and how to handle himself in the public eye. What a strange but captivating interview.
On a side note, Inside the NFL really needs different chairs for their interviews. There is way too much sock action going on for Brown and Collinsworth in their suits.
Also, single men, heed the advice of the great L.T.: “All I could do is ask the question: How old you are?”