My Guilty Pleasure Song of 2011

In 2002, Canadian singer Avril Lavigne released her breakthrough single, “Complicated.” I found the song to be whiny and annoying. How annoying? On what is now likely a non-existent rap song called “Celeb Fest,” I ripped into Lavigne with lyrics that went, “Avril, Avril, give me an Advil” (perhaps what is more revealing in this sentence is that I did briefly rap, which was really just me talking with no real sense of rhythm). I found her subsequent singles to be nothing different – a poser punk sound with a voice that I couldn't stand to hear over and over again.

So, it comes as a surprise that in 2011 I had to eat crow as Lavigne's song, “What The Hell,” was my Guilty Pleasure Song of the Year. To many critics, “What The Hell” was seen as a strong pop song, so perhaps it shouldn't fall under the label of “guilty pleasure.” But, for a guy like me who was so annoyed by Lavigne and whose last grain of masculinity might be taken by my enjoyment of this song, it falls under “guilty pleasure.”

The video above also has its taste of “guilty pleasure.” I love the choice to have Avril appear on a basketball court. It's the classic video move of the lead hot female singer entering a male territory, and the men being both shocked by it yet accepting of it. “Holy crap, she can make a lay-up? She can hang in our world!” Even though, in reality, if a woman just randomly strolled into a serious game of pick-up basketball on the streets, I can't imagine it would end well for her.

There's a series of other songs that deserve honorable mentions this year for my Guilty Pleasure Song of the Year, and here they are:

2. David Guetta feat. Rihanna, “Who's That Chick?”

It's impressive that Avril Lavigne beat out David Guetta and Rihanna, two of my favorite guilty pleasures that united to create this catchy pop song that fits this mold so well. I can gladly dance to this song and it fits with the pretty meaningless lyrics. I just want to dance, I don't really care. Okay, then we will dance and not care, just like with every other dance song.

3. The Artist Formerly Known as Ron Artest, “Go Loco”

It's one thing for a basketball star (by star, I mean third or fourth option on the Lakers's starting lineup) to release a rap album, but it's another thing for him to do it with the most random individuals involved in the project. Fat Joe and B-Real give a level of credit to the song. Artest's rapping is not surprisingly poor and the lyrics remind me of when Golak decides to randomly say Spanish words in normal English sentences while talking to me. But, damn it, if I don't find the song actually catchy in a bad way, and hey, George Lopez sings the chorus and makes George Lopez-y shocked faces in the video, so who can beat that?

4. Selena Gomez and the Scene, “Love You Like a Love Song”

Selena Gomez is rapidly trying to become the next Rihanna in my guilty pleasure book. “Naturally” is still a hell of a guilty pleasure song, and Gomez delivers again. I've decided that the phrase, “I love you like a love song, baby” will be in the wedding vows that I give to my future wife. “Which love song?” she'll ask, and I'll say, “'Love You Like a Love Song' is the love song,” and then presumably someone in attendance at the wedding's brain will explode. Speaking of that...

5. Ke$ha, “Blow”

There was no way that Ke$ha was not going to appear in my Guilty Pleasure list. I sometimes question whether the pleasure aspect even exists, but the guilty part is definitely there. I'm a sucker for wrecks, and everything occurs with that when Ke$ha appears and her songs play. Toss in this random James Van Der Beek appearance in an inexplicable video which could be called surrealist if not for the fact that I worry that might be giving it too much credit. Screw it. Keep making the hits, Ke$ha. It will only help me to continue a marginally popular “Monday Night Live” character.

Holiday Greeting Outtakes

Some outtakes from the previously posted video...

Happy Holidays From SAGAttack

Check out Sumukh and Golak live on December 22 @ 9PM at Kafe Kerouac!

Comedifans - Episode 011

Sumukh and Golak finish up 2011 strong with their mini Year in Review which includes their favorite sports moments from 2011.  The duo also discusses Browns football and their Browns fandom, concussions, hockey (NHL and Mighty Ducks), basketball, Malcolm in the Middle, and their Dads (and how they may be a grim look into their sports future).

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Comedifans will be taking next Tuesday off for Christmas, but check back the very next Tuesday, January 3rd, for a special episode that will include coverage of both the Browns vs. Steelers game and the Buckeyes appearance in the Gator Bowl.

Do The Right Thing: A Louis C.K. Story

As many of you already know, Louis C.K. released his latest stand-up special, Live at the Beacon Theater, last week on louisck.net (which, if you haven't, you should check out (I can use parenthesis too, Sumukh)).  However, what has the media in a tizzy is the fact that he self produced the special and sold it for $5 without any DRM protection.  While this might not seem remarkable right away, many may not realize that almost all the content you buy from major media services has DRM of some kind on the music, movies, and TV shows you buy.  Many hard copy CDs and DVDs have similar protection.

Technically, Louis C.K. didn't release the special with no protection.  He did bodyguard it with a nice, contrite message that showed up on the special's download page:

To those who might wish to “torrent” this video: look, I don’t really get the whole “torrent” thing. I don’t know enough about it to judge either way. But I’d just like you to consider this: I made this video extremely easy to use against well-informed advice. I was told that it would be easier to torrent the way I made it, but I chose to do it this way anyway, because I want it to be easy for people to watch and enjoy this video in any way they want without “corporate” restrictions.

Please bear in mind that I am not a company or a corporation. I’m just some guy. I paid for the production and posting of this video with my own money. I would like to be able to post more material to the fans in this way, which makes it cheaper for the buyer and more pleasant for me. So, please help me keep this being a good idea. I can’t stop you from torrenting; all I can do is politely ask you to pay your five little dollars, enjoy the video, and let other people find it in the same way.

And it worked.  As of 4 days from the special going on sale, Louis C.K. netted a $200,000 profit for his time and trust.

And I'll admit, I was worried that this would be a failure.  A worry that Louis seemed to share based on his above plea and subsequent interviews with C.K. after the special's release.  But, as did I, Louis seemed to have an overwhelming faith in his fans and the pirate community.

This could be because this isn't the first time that Louis has gone toe-to-toe with torrenters.  Back when Louis was touring with the material that would ultimately make up his special Hilarious, a fan at the show got an audio recording of Louis' entire set.  The fan then went on to torrent the file to initially high traffic.  When word got back to C.K. about what was going on Louis posted a comment on the torrent file's page.  He explained that he preferred for his material not to be shared or viewed by the public while he was still working on it.  Comedy is a process, and he wanted to share the finished version of that material as a special, but to put it out early was really damaging to people's perception of what would ultimately be the finished product.  C.K. claimed that this wasn't an issue of stealing or profiteering, but a genuine plea from artist to audience.  And...in the comment thread, below C.K.'s post, the uploader apologized and immediately took down the content.

And, from what I've personally noticed, the reception to C.K.'s current wishes have been met with the same positivity.  I admit to being a user of torrent sites.  And while I paid my $5 to Louis C.K. for this latest special, I did go to my pirating stomping grounds simply to see what the communities reaction would be to an artist trusting in their better and kinder judgement.  And it was pretty amazing.  Obviously there were uploads of the latest special on the site I frequent.  That did not surprise me.  But with the 4 or 5 files I looked into, I'd say, overall, at least 80% of the comments were scathing criticisms from users to potential special stealers.  Many noted the novelness of what C.K. was doing, praised him for it, and urged others to pay him $5 for the special (something that many of the commenters noted they had already done).  Even some uploaders took up the good fight.  Many uploaders uploaded AVI versions (a different, more windows friendly file format), iPod compatible versions, and audio MP3 versions of the file.  In the file description it was almost universally noted that these versions were for people that had paid for the special and did not have the knowledge or conversion tools to adapt the Louis C.K. issued file to their specific needs.

It seems all too fitting that a comic figured this out.  All comics know the classic heckler trick--guy in the back won't shut up, turn on the house lights, tell him, "go ahead, you think you're funnier than me, 5 minutes, your on."  Embarrassed by direct attention that he did not seek, more comfortable commenting in the safeness of dark, the heckler will almost always pipe down and continue silent for the rest of the show.  Same with pirates.

Many of these uploaders and downloaders claim righteousness by stating that they do these things to combat evil corporations who seek their money through scrupulous means with no regard to providing quality entertainment in accessible forms.  Well, here's this without everything you claim to hate.  Are you going to shut up now?  I think Louis' bank account is proof that they did.

If this is the start of independent releases by artists, of all kinds, who think they have the clout to release material independently and turn a profit, I think that's great.  And I think Louis C.K. proved it's possible.  And I don't mean from a business sense.  That is getting the press, but that, overall, is a more minor issue.  The major issue is that an artist can address people, like a person themselves, and really enact change.  And I know that not all piraters are good people that will just start paying for everything if everyone asks them nice.  But all media corporations and distributors aren't hapless victims.  When you release every single piece of material with a protection on it against stealing, you are assuming the consumer base to be thieves.  Louis C.K. released his material the right way, and people (overall) did the right thing.  Good for him and good for them.

It also shows that sometimes what is most important is something that a company can't easily provide, a dialogue.  Louis talked, people listened.  Thanks, Louis.  I already got $5 put away for the next one.

P.S.  This is both related and, just overall, awesome.  Check it out.  Louis C.K. on Fresh Air.

Defining Comedy and My Act

In Laura Sanders's original “One Lady Show,” Laura compares what goes on in the minds of female comedians as opposed to male comedians. There's only one thing in the minds of male comedians: “dick jokes.” It was a good laugh, and a true point. What man doesn't love a good “dick joke” and can't write one?

On Wednesday night, I performed a joke for the first time about how I don't care for pornography because my mind thinks too deeply about what's actually going on in the scenes plot-wise and the poor artistic choices (directorial close-ups, non-existent acting) that it trumps any interest I could have in the main purpose of pornography. I realized that this is the closest thing I've ever done to a “dick joke.” In actuality, there's no "dick" particularly involved. It was debatable if it was even a joke (On a side note, I lost the recording of this performance. It's been pretty much proven that the combination of an iPhone and the Surly Girl Saloon is suspect).

So, I think deeply, and that brings up a bigger issue. Am I a male comedian at least in this general and humorous way? I guess not. But, part of Laura's joke is that we also define ourselves in certain ways as comedians. Female comedians are always comediennes and defined that way as if it is some special and rare moment in a show's night when they appear (most likely because the crowd has been subjected to all these damn male “dick jokes” the whole time). I've been lucky enough to have my label not be male comedian but rather Indian comedian. So, we've learned that race wins against gender at least in comedy classifications!

It made me wonder. Can I write and perform a “dick joke” (by this point, you must be annoyed by “dick joke” in quotation marks, but it's amusing me)? I could pull off writing one, but I don't feel I can pull off performing one. For me, it's not authentic to be talking about those types of subjects up there, so I just don't do it and don't want to. It's never been a part of what I do on stage, and in fact, it doesn't really connect with who I am on stage. If a soft-spoken, dry Indian fellow starts mentioning his “dick,” it could only end up being creepy, right? So, yes, I'll settle on in-depth analysis of pornography's shortcomings, thank you.

However, this choice brings about another issue. As a result of not being able to sell the “dick joke,” I get placed more into the realm of being a “clean comic” rather than a “blue comic” (hey, new labels!). I also get the feeling that there is a kind of hierarchy to “clean comedy” as opposed to “blue comedy” (how many parenthetical statements have I made at this point? More to come!). “Clean comics” have a tendency to label themselves as that. They do it for marketing purposes because there is certainly an audience that wants that type of material. “Blue comics” can label themselves as that as well, but it's almost a warning rather than a benefit. This show will be “X-Rated” or “100% Filthy” gives some type of level to how disgusting things are apparently going to get. Audiences can like it one way or the other (just ask that one audience in West Virginia how much they loved my 5% Filthy).

However, the marketing of “clean comedy” can come off arrogant. The capability of being clean and promoting one's self as that way gives off the impression of “Hey, I don't need profanity to make a crowd laugh.” On the flip side, “blue comedy” has to deal with audience members who may ask them, “Why do you need to swear to make me laugh?”

When it comes down to it, comedy is comedy. The best in “clean comedy” will make you laugh without you ever realizing that they have been entirely clean throughout their whole set (Jim Gaffigan is a fine example). If you're open enough to appreciate comedy for what it is, then you won't care how “blue” a comedian is, as long as they can make you laugh. It's the brilliance and the cleverness of the joke behind it that matters. Personally, your percentage rates on how clean or dirty you are have no effect on how much you make me laugh.

So, what's my main point? I can't tell a "dick joke." I'm not a man. I'm a clean comic, so I'm better than the rest of the world. Such labeling me makes feel poopy (keeping it clean!) and sad.

In conclusion, here's an analogy about blog posts.

Sumukh: Parenthetical Statements :: Golak : Fragments

Visual representation of my act?

Comedifans - Episode 010

Travis Hoewischer stops by and talks with Sumukh and Golak about Fantasy Football, Colt McCoy's physical demise (and how Sumukh may have had a Final Destination-like premonition of it), why Browns fans aren't white trash but everyone else is, NBA and MLB free agency, and, yes, even a year later, LeBron (and how much he should be hated).  Golak also shows Travis why he's built to like pro wrestling and should resist his urge to continue to hate it.  From bowling alleys, to gay night clubs, and the interwebs, these guys can't help but entertain you.

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Sumukh And Golak At Monday Night Live - December

Two sketches Sumukh and Golak did at the most recent Monday Night Live in December 2011.  Featuring, the always funny, Laura Sanders.

Cheap & Comfy: The Legend of Steve & Barry's

For a long time, I had created an alter ego for myself called “The Novelty T-Shirt Man.” I usually would wear a T-shirt and jeans everywhere, and there was a system to which shirts I would purchase. They had to be under $10, representative of me, perhaps clever but not those too jokey or lame shirts, and there was plenty of pop culture nostalgia that went into my decision making. This portion of my life spawned a young man who wore T-shirts of Mr. Bean, The Secret World of Alex Mack, and Ghostbusters with pride. Some of these shirts have headed to the racks of Goodwill, but others still remain in my closet to get a random kudos from a stranger when I may wear them out in public.

There was one place that “The Novelty T-Shirt Man” did not take full advantage of in his time, and that was Steve & Barry's. The now defunct store chain likely drew most of its attention from its 2-year span of celebrity endorsements with a Sarah Jessica Parker fashion line and Starbury, a cheaper alternative basketball shoe produced by Stephon Marbury. (On a side note, I had no idea that Starbury still existed. Considering Steve & Barry's demise and Marbury's random involvement in the Knicks' sexual harassment insanity, I figured it was done, but in fact it is not, and there's a Marbury workout DVD at their website!)

Steve & Barry's offered plenty of clothing at too good to be true prices. Most of the apparel was related to college teams. When the spreading of the chain expanded beyond colleges to many malls and shopping plazas across the country, it allowed for the explosion of randomness. I distinctly remember going to the Steve & Barry's in my hometown, which had racks and racks of the same $10 Ohio State winter jacket. To this day, if I see a person wearing that jacket, I know that it's a Steve & Barry's original. It also opened the door for schools like North Carolina State to have their apparel appear in Ohio for no particular reason other than savings.

I'm not sure of Steve & Barry's business model, but whatever logic that showed that everything in a store being under $10 could turn a profit didn't work in the long haul. The chain as a whole closed up rapidly in 2008, and that's where my role in the madness of Steve & Barry's comes into play.

Seizing on the going out of business sale, my parents went to my hometown Steve & Barry's and decided to lose their minds. When a business that didn't charge a lot to begin with has to get rid of everything they have, it makes for prices that I've only seen in San Francisco's Chinatown. My parents bought a ton of clothing for $1 a piece. The most ridiculous of which is a Navy Midshipmen jacket, which led to the following conversation soon after it was purchased:

Dad: Hey, what team's logo is this?

Me: I don't know.

Research was done to find out it was the Navy Midshipmen. The jacket sits in my parent's closet to this day and has been wore by no one.

The real kicker to all of this though is that the shirts my parents did get for me are actually some of the most comfortable ones that I own. While extremely random in design, I still keep them for wearing around the house or occasionally for out in public when acceptable. For example, I have a Steve & Barry's shirt with a shamrock that reads “Feelin' Lucky?” underneath it. It is now what I wear every year for St. Patrick's Day, but has no business ever being worn in public on any other occasion (and barely has business being worn on St. Patrick's Day if not for my odd personality).

I have a Palm Springs, California Steve & Barry's sweatshirt that is extremely comfortable. I've tossed it on randomly on a pair of jeans when rolling out of bed or for a quick run to the grocery store or even an open mic set. I love it except for the fact that it has the odd feel of being a tourist acquisition, so it isn't exactly something that works for dinner parties.

So, I can at least say that even though I've retired the feeling of being the “Novelty T-Shirt Man” and am doing my best to dress as a grown male, I can say that I still wear and represent with pride the legend of Steve & Barry's. I hope there are others out there that do as well.

Sumukh And Golak At Monday Night Live - November

Sumukh explains to a confused Golak that he has, in fact, been attending and performing in a comedy show the first Monday of every month at Wild Goose Creative.

You'd Understand Tebow If You Just Watched Wrestling

Every time I talk to people about Tim Tebow, they (mostly) say they don't like him.  But they don't know why.  And every time commentators postulate on the negative feelings fans, or even they themselves, have towards the Broncos quarterback, they come up empty.

But that's simply because they look at Tebow as a man.  He's well mannered, well spoken, handsome, well educated, a winner, a good teammate, says the right things, does the right things, goes on mission trips to help the less fortunate.  How could you not like a person like that?  How could you not want that person to be your friend, your brother, the guy your daughter brings home?  Because he's not a person.  Not to us, the fans and commentators.  He's a character.  And for all the accolades he holds as a human being, he is a shitty character.  And that's why we hate him.

Just look towards professional wrestling.  Pro wrestling can answer so many of the outside the lines issues in sports.  Because, as much as the small minority of people out there who love sports but hate pro wrestling want to say they don't, pro wrestling and "real" sports are nearly the same thing.

They've, over the years, come to dub things like the WWE "sports entertainment."  But how is pro football, and the other major sports, not sports entertainment?  You have a 24 hour network dedicated to it, which frankly spends more time on the sensationalized stories surrounding the sport rather than wins and losses, you have outrageous players, who have shows on the E! network (guess what the E stands for), and a fan base obsessed with twitter posts and post-game interviews.

That being said, if you are a football fan, you care just as much about players, teams, and events that happen off the field as you do if your favorite team scores more points than the other team on Sunday.  You're invested in everything around your favorite teams and players leading up to those contests.  Just like a WWE fan's interest in storylines leading up to big matches.

Which brings me to Tebow.  Great guy.  Horrible storyline.  It's just to simple.

Wrestling fans, as much as non-fans want to marginalize them at times, are, for the most part, just people.  And they are not on an island.  They, like any other segment of the population, can show overall trends in their behavior.  Bring in the "Attitude Era" of pro wrestling.  A term that describes the wrestling era, particularly in WWE (then still WWF), from the mid-90s through the early 2000's.  You went from your superstars being Hulk Hogan (say your prayers, take your vitamins) to Stone Cold Steve Austin (drink your beers, flick off your boss).

And honestly I don't think it means we're worse as a society.  It just means we've matured as an entertainment audience.  And I think that comes from exposure.  With so much entertainment to choose from, we have become more discerning consumers of it.  We don't want bad guys to win now.  It's just that the line between villain and anti-hero is a thin one, and we prefer the latter.  Not because he's dark or mean or bad, but because he's more complex.  And it's a more complex, and ultimately rewarding, emotional ride to root for someone that your not always sure you should be rooting for.

And that brings us to now.  Tim Tebow is John Cena.  John Cena is the ultimate good guy.  Doesn't cheat in matches, wrestles hard, loves the fans, smiles for the camera, throws his shirt and hat to the crowd, does what's right.  But as of late, when anti-hero superstars have emerged to challenge him, he gets booed mercilessly.  Is it because wrestling fans are bad people?  They don't like nice people.  Good people.  People that respect them.  No, it's because they are paying to watch entertainment, and the smiley faced, do right guy winning it all at the end is so fucking done and so fucking boring.

People don't boo Cena the man...a man who does plenty of charity, especially through orginizations like the USO...they boo one of the most plain, one-note, static characters in recent WWE history. Sports fans don't hate Tim Tebow.  They're just bored to pieces by him.  And they are angry that that storyline is pervasive in their premier choice of entertainment.

I think wrestling is the perfect parallel, for the reasons I listed above, but you need only look at entertainment in general (which, forget the "sport" part, is what football and WWE are) to see that we've become more discerning viewers.  Dexter, the serial killer who kills killers, Mad Men, the man all men want to be who treats his wife despicably most times, Breaking Bad, the terminally ill man who sells meth and murders so his family can have security.  We don't like these sometimes dark, disturbing, and controversial shows because were bad people.  We just want some complexity.  Something to think about.  Hell, by the end of the most recent season, season 4, I started to really not care for Walter White, the main character of Breaking Bad, but my love for the show was not hurt (and in fact may have increased).

So, it's ok Tebow.  We don't hate you.  We just hate that you being in the league is making us watch shitty TV.

And he'll be fine.  Like Cena.

Why is Cena still around.  He sells t-shirts.  Kids like him.  Parents of those kids like him.  Casual fans will probably tend to be drawn to him because he gets a push from the higher ups.

Just like Tebow.

So, I don't like you Tebow, but don't stop being you.  Keep selling youth sized jerseys.  Keep helping people in 3rd world countries.  And hell, if you can, keep winning.  As Tupac would say, "I ain't mad at cha.  Got nothin' but love for ya, do your thing boy."

News Attack - Happy Holidays Greeting Angers Pagans

Pagans around the country are upset with the ongoing trend of retail establishments using the socially-neutral "Happy Holidays" greeting when addressing customers.

"This is part of an ongoing war on Solstice," claimed Tabitha Gardner.  "They're taking the Sun Child completely out of the season."

Pagans like Tabitha feel that retail establishments are cleansing themselves of the people that brought about the traditions that make November and December so profitable for them.  Since the late 1990s many businesses have started using "Happy Holidays" in their greetings and decor during the winter months as to not offend those of the less or differentially spiritual.

"They use our traditions of feast, gift exchange and Yuletide, yet they strip us from the greetings," said Alexandria Blavatsky.  Alexandria, like many others, feels used by retail establishments for selfish gains.  "It used to be the season of inner renewal started in mid-November.  Now you can't even get a week past Samhain without seeing the decorations come out."

It remains to be seen what other Pagan elements will be removed from the Holiday season at your favorite stores, but if the trend keeps up, there may soon be no remnants left of the Christmas we've all come to know.

Comedifans - Episode 009

Sumukh and Golak talk Buckeyes and their trip to the TaxSlayer.com Gator Bowl (and if that is the most bazaar bowl sponsorship), Browns "football", Applebee's Carside To Go, Tiger's return (or is it), and The Ball So Hard Guy (and how you, the listener, can help us get him on the show).

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